Sandra Dee with OCD goes to Dallas

I got back safely home LATE last night. Mark (Zeitzeuge) has already posted some tidbits and a few pics about the Dallas weekend. Adam posted a pic and submitted an opinion on me on TBE#28 here. The only thing left for me to do is to share my perceptions of the reality I experienced this weekend.

Often when I go on trips (even short weekend ones), I am a creature of habit. I have to get comfortable in my new surroundings and with people I come in contact with. As a traveler, I usually arrive at my destination a tad groggy. That is from OCDing at the gym, household chores, and various farm animals I have to tend to.

This short weekend trip to Dallas was a fast paced adventure where perception would soon give way to reality and truths. The first reality is that Mark is bigger in real life. For some reason, I had always imagined him to being a little man. This simply was not the case. Mark towered over me. Brian was only slightly shorter than Mark. I soon realized that Brian was Miss Polly Positive. Brian has this knack for witty quips that I greatly enjoyed.

The second reality is that Mark and Brian have a most beautiful place with fine furnishings and a Ritz Carlton-like bathroom. Who knew they hid their poshness? I felt like I was at a fancy hotel. They even had a little stocking with GunOil lube and two Magnum condoms waiting for me on my pillow. Aww.... what a nice touch!

One thing that I did correctly suspect was all true... Max is a REALLY nice dog. He is beautiful. He is quiet. He is a sweetheart. He only pretends to be a handful on those Zeitcasts! Mark is truly the leader of this pack. Max listens and respects the deep growl of pack leader Mark. Predictably, Brian is much too nice. Max knows this and doesn't always take direction from Brian. Hey, I have no room to talk because Boudreaux and Pierre walk all over me in my own house.

Which brings me to my next reality. The cat is out the bag. I am not really Brettcajun the asshole blogger I pretend to be. Shamefully, I am really Sandra Dee with OCD. I am sure Mark and Brian were expecting a sex-war monger to be staying with them. I was actually very well behaved and polite. Almost too reserved at first. Well, I wasn't so reserved that I didn't indulge in their luxurious shower. I love taking showers. They relax me. I love being clean. It feels great to be clean. In fact, I think Brian said I had OCD on more than one occasion after I luxuriated in their shower too much. I promise you that I am NOT one of those people that has to wash their hands hundreds of times a day. I DO like to wake up clean, go out clean, and go to bed clean. Is this really OCD? Or could it just be like that I like being fresh? You decide.

One thing you may not know about Mark and Brian is that they are very well connected to the social scene in Dallas. They are like a POWER SOCIAL COUPLE in the Big D. At their wonderful Christmas Party, the place was jammed with people. Many were very pretty. They went all out to make sure the guests were well fed and well drunk. I greatly admired how much effort and energy they put into their Christmas party.

My hearing impaired friend Brian D. met my friends and I out all weekend. He was the MOFO that eliminated me in the HouTex26 a few weeks ago. I was glad I had the opportunity to meet Brian again in the Big D. Mark & Brian and Adam & Brad were so very nice to him. I was glad because he is truly one of the sweetest guys. You can't help but just smile when he is around...

...Except for when Brian D. is beating you in tennis. He picked me up to play me in a tennis rematch. He won the first set 6-2. I remember thinking "he is such a nice guy"... I am enjoying playing him. Then after he waxed me in the first set, it was no more Mr. Nice Guy! I began playing LOTS more aggressive and won the second set on brute strength. On the third set, Brian broke out to a 5-1 lead before he almost choked. With my back against the wall, I fought back to a 5-5 tie. This was going to be probably the biggest choke in Brian D.'s tennis career. He somehow managed to squeak out two more victories and take the third set to win the match.

After Brian D. dropped off the loser, I was back with Mark and Brian. Mark was cleaning the house like a madwoman, while Brian was busy spending all their money on food and drink for the Christmas Party. It was at this moment that I got a call from Adam. He wanted to come pick me up and bring me back to his place to meet Brad and Milo the cat. I was thrilled. He was under the weather and I was getting this creeping sensation that I may actually go through the whole weekend in Dallas without getting to meet them. Fortunately, Adam willed himself to get out of the house and come kidnap me.

So, here I am leaving Mark and Brian's residence and peering at Adam. It was a surreal experience to gaze into his eyes for the first time. I was so moved that I don't think I could even maintain good eye contact with Adam on the way back to his place. Two rival bloggers meeting for the first time and now riding in the same car. Oh my God... this was GOOD REALITY TELEVISION! See, Adam and I used to have run-ins with each other because of my button pushing ways on my blog. (totally my fault) I had poked fun of him on earlier podcasts when there was this great podcasting arms race. I knew we would get past that when we did finally meet. In fact, I dreamed about it.

We get to Adam and Brad's pleasure pad. It was beautiful. I am instantly greeted by Adam's sidekick Brad. A very nice fellow. I see shoes lined up in the entrance and immediately take off my shoes. For some reason, I instantly thought they were Japanese so I was going to follow custom and take off my shoes. I later find out that they just put those shoes there because they are too lazy to pick them up. Adam sends Brad on a beer run. I think they may have a leather sling upstairs, because they didn't let me go snoop up there. Adam said it was "messy". Umm... yeah right. It must be a sling!

So, I am alone again with Adam on the couch. Wait a minute... I have seen this couch before on the blog! This is where he plays video games. Then I saw their famous cool table that displayed all the places they have been underneath the glass. Then I saw Adam's new red fancy mixer which they had just used to make gingerbread cookies. It was really surreal in a spine-tingling way.

Next, I met Milo the very charming cat. I could have sworn Milo cruised me the whole time while I was there. We all kicked back and had a personal conversation about anything and everything. I couldn't help but smile the whole time. It felt like a weight had been lifted from me. All the bullshit associated with "brettcajun" the blog persona was falling by the wayside. We were having great conversation and getting all chumy.

Adam, Brad and I then drove back to Mark and Brian's luxury hotel and had the most wonderful time at their highbrow cocktail party. Everything at this party was fancy. Every guest was well lavished and spoiled with fine food and drinks. I felt all of us were real lucky to be treated to such a great Christmas party. It takes a lot of work to pull something like this off... and it showed by all the smiles.

Later that night, I went out booty bumping with Adam, Brad, Brian D. and met for the first time... the gayborhood gringo. What a hottie! We had loads of fun dancing at the very cool S4 and TMC. I especially liked dancing with the Crossdresser. I KNOW Brad and I made her night! Now, she is going to expect that sort of attention all the time now! It's Brad's fault. I got jealous and wanted her to myself. After beer #8 and a Texas sized free shot (courtesy a bartender), I was "fucked up" trying to find the guys again. We were all kind of fucked up. We stumbled out TMC and went to Cafe Brazil where I tried to order the crepes guapo. If Adam was going to have the crepes gordo, I wanted to one up him. Unfortunately, I had to settle with what Adam was having.

During the next morning, I had the privilege of working out with Adam. Yes, his biceps are 3.5 times larger than mine. (and so is his chest) I let him run the workout show. I basically did everything about 40 # lighter than he did. That was a fun excursion. I know Mark and Brian thought it was crazy for me to go workout while on vacation... but remember... I am a creature of habit. I asked them to come along, but they looked at me like I had two heads. That's it. If I move to Dallas, I am going to carry them kicking and screaming to a gym every week. Don't be letting Sandra Dee get all bossy on ya! ;)

I really regret leaving Dallas yesterday afternoon. I wanted to stay longer at the Hidden Door. The company was great (Mark, Brian, Adam and Brad). The men were HOT. I wanted to stay. For some strange reason, I spontaneously felt like breaking out in song to "Woman in Love" by Barbara Streisand. I am just batshit crazy that way! If you hear anything else... it is all rumor and speculation!

Unfortunately, I had to leave on a jet plane. In retrospect, I should have flown out the next day. I do feel bad that so much of my time was split between the various buddies. I enjoyed every single moment with every single person I spent time with. I do hope Mark and Brian forgive me for being absent visiting others so much. I typically put a lot on my plate (in more ways than one). Thanks Mark and Brian for your very warm hospitality. Thank you Brian D. for the tennis and meeting me out each night. Thank you Adam and Brad for correcting all that was wrong with the universe! We are all going to be the best of buds in the future. I KNOW IT!