Soapbox and Truths Revisted
Another weekend has passed. The LSU Tigers and the New Orleans Saints football teams each won spectacularly. Since I am one of those football loving fags that actually cares about the sport, it was a GREAT weekend.
Shockingly, I am still single. Why am I still single? In my 13 year career as a homosexual, I have rarely been single. I just feel more stable in a relationship. As a single guy, I feel like a chair with three legs: wobbly and unstable. Despite the high fives and jubilant CONGRATULATIONS I hear from others... I do feel like I lost my status for some reason by being "single".
Fortunately, the transition hasn't been as rough for me. I am still spending lots of time with E.Shrew. It is funny how so much sweeter, more considerate, loving, and respectful we are to each other now that we are no longer together. We have also had the ability to be very candid with each other. I know what others think of E.Shrew. Some of your misgivings may be from only seeing a certain side of him that he lets you see. I have spent enough time with him to know that there is a big heart deep down that tough exterior.
Truthfully, I am still in love with E.Shrew. There is no one I would rather be around than him. No one seems capable of even coming close to him for me. And NO... I never picked E.Shrew as a boyfriend just because he has a nice condo only five blocks from the gay bars in the French Quarter. How cold and calculating would that make me? I really do love the booger. I can honestly look back at the last few years with happiness from all that we have done. Even though he may be more world traveled and me a bit more hillybilly, we shared a passion that was as intense as molting lava.
My reputation as a habitual flirter does make one pause at the prospect of having me as a partner. I do realize that it is a challenge for anyone. In my defense, I am really more talk than action. For some reason, I like giving and receiving attention from others. I may have a reputation that I lead people on, but the truth is that it fulfills a need I have. It stuffs out that feeling of neverending lonlieness that I have carried around most of my life.
If you don't believe me, then ask your fellow bar patrons "Have you slept with Brett?" I bet you get very few "YES" answers. The truth is that I am not as much of a whore as you may think I am. Hmm... what's that Bette Davis line in All About Eve... "I'll admit I've seen better days, but I won't be had for the price of a cocktail or a salted peanut."
Shockingly, I am still single. Why am I still single? In my 13 year career as a homosexual, I have rarely been single. I just feel more stable in a relationship. As a single guy, I feel like a chair with three legs: wobbly and unstable. Despite the high fives and jubilant CONGRATULATIONS I hear from others... I do feel like I lost my status for some reason by being "single".
Fortunately, the transition hasn't been as rough for me. I am still spending lots of time with E.Shrew. It is funny how so much sweeter, more considerate, loving, and respectful we are to each other now that we are no longer together. We have also had the ability to be very candid with each other. I know what others think of E.Shrew. Some of your misgivings may be from only seeing a certain side of him that he lets you see. I have spent enough time with him to know that there is a big heart deep down that tough exterior.
Truthfully, I am still in love with E.Shrew. There is no one I would rather be around than him. No one seems capable of even coming close to him for me. And NO... I never picked E.Shrew as a boyfriend just because he has a nice condo only five blocks from the gay bars in the French Quarter. How cold and calculating would that make me? I really do love the booger. I can honestly look back at the last few years with happiness from all that we have done. Even though he may be more world traveled and me a bit more hillybilly, we shared a passion that was as intense as molting lava.
My reputation as a habitual flirter does make one pause at the prospect of having me as a partner. I do realize that it is a challenge for anyone. In my defense, I am really more talk than action. For some reason, I like giving and receiving attention from others. I may have a reputation that I lead people on, but the truth is that it fulfills a need I have. It stuffs out that feeling of neverending lonlieness that I have carried around most of my life.
If you don't believe me, then ask your fellow bar patrons "Have you slept with Brett?" I bet you get very few "YES" answers. The truth is that I am not as much of a whore as you may think I am. Hmm... what's that Bette Davis line in All About Eve... "I'll admit I've seen better days, but I won't be had for the price of a cocktail or a salted peanut."
posted by Brettcajun at Monday, November 06, 2006
15 Comments:
"...Well I am still SINGLE!..." What did you expect you crazy Cajun...to be partnered in three weeks!?!? HEHEHE!
Well said Brett. Your true friends know what you are trying to say, what you are feeling, and the person that you really are.
And I know you love E. Shrew in your own way. I have no doubt that there is a "fast and true" heart deep within E. Shrew. But I think for a good relationship, no I stand corrected, for a lasting and fulfilling relationship, E. will need to shed some of the many 'complex' layers that hide that real heart. And that will take some heavy self-examination and a serious leap of faith. There is no judgement behind those words...just speaking the truth. Some of us 'elders'(geeze, I thought I would never be pulling out the 'elders' card, LMAO)have some idea from life experiences whether directly or indirectly.
You know I love you to death my friend!!!! Hang in there. And by the way, I love me some 'hillbillies!' ***eyes rolling,arms crossed over stomach, gut-wrencing laugh bellowing from my mouth, about ready to drop to the floor*** Ya'll come back now, Ya hear!!
I'm a big attention whore myself. My other half knew this from the get go and I told him to get over his insecurities. I wasn't going to change just because we were together.
Well lets see my namesake, I have been single for, lets see, add the 4, carry the 2, subtract the 6... longer than I care to say. To paraphrase John Lennon - "Give Being Single a Chance"... It is not so bad... and you do learn alot about yourself and relationships.
This is probably a bad anaology - but just like you can't be a good top unless you know what it is like to be a bottom, you can't be a good partner until you know what it is like to be single...
Just my view from the swamps of FL...
Hi Stranger :) Downtime is good. This past year I learned that a better partner is one who can be alone and enjoy the downtime with himself (no, not wanking to porn). Sometimes it is like a three-legged table...but if it's propped up against a wall it won't fall over :)
Well there's a T-shirt slogan for you. I am not as much of a whore as you may think I am. I know how fond you are T-shirts with slogans.
Great quote.
You don't have to convince anyone. You're allowed to own your feelings.
the line is actually "i'll admit i've seen better days, but i've yet to be had for the price of a cocktail, like a salted peanut"... and i was taught in a psychology course at stanford that you should wait one year between relationships and work on yourself before diving into another one... just a thought... it's worked for me and we're celebrating 13 years in a few months... good luck
Damn boy, enjoy your single life for a while. I know it is easier said than done, but the time has come to be single and you need to suck it up and deal with it.
It is great that you love E Shrew, no one would think you shouldn't, and it is great that you 2 can be so candid with each other and that your honesty is there now...probably would have been good to have all of that prior to the split.
My gut tells me that you both need a little time to relax and get to know the new and improved 'yous' and that there, and I am scared to actually say this, but there is a huge chance you two will reconcile.
If nothing else, you have a great friend in him, enjoy that for now. Live free, be the light-hearted individual you really are. Love Life, Love your Friends, Love your Family, Love Freely. This does not mean you are throwing your lovejuice all over the place, but your heart is now open for the world to fill it with love and tenderness.
You are a hopeless romantic...and that is one of the many reasons I find you so damn irresistable. Hell, that is the reason most love you the way you do.
Yes, you are definitely an attention whore. Yes, you are definitely a flirt. Yes, you are definitely full of yourself. Yes, you are definitely beautiful. Yes, you are definitely HOT. Yes, you make my knees weak when I see you in leather. Yes, you are cuddly, warm, affectionate, kind, gentle, bitchy, arrogant, cocky, pretty, crabby, opinionated, an great listener...and the truth is, this makes you Brett and anyone would be LUCKY to have you in his life!
I know I count myself lucky that I have the connection with you that I have.
I wish you all the best with this new single life you will be living for a while. Have fun with it, embrace it, relish in it. You deserve nothing but happiness...even E Shrew would agree with that. You are a very special person Brett Cajun...always remember that.
Also, one last note, if you really feel like you are sitting on a 3 legged chair and you feel it starting to give, whip out Slab! That is the biggest 4th leg anyone would ever need to feel safe again! LOL
Love you darlin.
Have some fun, date, enjoy your time being single, and don't rush into something that isn't a good fit you and your life. Mr. Right is a lot harder to find then Mr. Right Now, and trust me wasting your time with the wrong guy only keeps you tied up and unavailable for the right one.
Slow it down and don't panic, your a great guy stay confident!
While being single is not always a barrel of laughs, periods of being truly single (and it doesn't sound like you are yet) are good for you. Grow that fourth leg on the chair. Grab a new hobby. Develop yourself. Learn a new way to masturbate. And then you'll be even more appealing when you meet that truly special someone. Don't jump into the next thing just because it looks comfortable, or you'll get yourself into trouble.
Have you tried a PC or online game? I hear the Nintendo Wii is coming out. Always helps on those lonely nights...
I think it's a great time to reassess what you would specifically like in a relationship. Most likely the flirting was just flirting, but always assert the right to create your own relationships. They should be anything that you and the other side want it to be. It's funny because I think if I were to be out of a relationship, I would feel like I would never want to get back in, well, at least not any time soon.
Having suffered through a nasty breakup at the beginning of the year, I can completely understand your feelings.
Fortunately, there are a lot of amazing guys out there. However, they are not so easy to find sometimes.
My unsolicited advice: take care of #1. Build a rock solid Brett and this along with your looks and down to earth nature will be attractive. Don't seek someone. He'll literally fall on your lap when you least expect it.
This will not happen overnight. So, embrace being single, have fun. Build an even better you!
Oh, don't be afraid to meet people from out of state. LOL.
I can identify with much of what you said, especially people getting the wrong impression, all talk, attention whore etc.
Living a single life works well for some, not so well for others. There is the companionship aspect, that above all I miss. Spending time with close friends never quite fills that void.
Unfortunately the closer we get to the big 4-OH the more dismal it seems (not that it necessarily is, but still).
Did I just read Tony comment that it's been only 3 weeks??
I won't be shelling out any opinions like a pile of cracked-open peanuts.
You know who you are, you know what you want, and the rest is up to you.
OMG hello?? You've been single what.. a month? Chill out buddy. Jumping into a relationship just to have one is a one-way ticket to disappointment and eventual heartbreak my friend. Spend this time on improving yourself and expanding your friend base, and then... when you least expect it, it'll happen for you.
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