How Does One Prepare for a Bear Contest?
On Saturday night, I am entering the Mr. Bayou Grizzlies 2006 Contest at Georges, a gay bar in Baton Rouge. I have many hesitations. First of all, how does one dress like a bear? Do you think combat boots, camo pants, white muscle shirt, and white jock strap will pass for "bear wear"? Come on Scotty, Joel, and Derek... ya'll are bears... how do bears dress?
Second of all... how do I handle the competition aspect of this contest? Knowing me, I would probably be more inclined to trip the competing contestants than to adopt the attitude that I am happy to be there. I am so sorry... but it's TRUE! Brett does NOT like to lose at anything. When I entered the "Daddy Contest" last year at Georges, I came in second. I was thrilled that I placed 2nd because many nice looking guys didn't even place. But I was horrified that the winner wasn't the prettiest. Well... he may have actually qualified more as the "Daddy" than I did... so I will cut the judges some slack.
Speaking of Judges... who do I need to blow to secure a favorable finish? I don't even know who the judges are going to be! And what about the audience? Will my preppy stud reputation ruin any chances of winning a bear contest? Will they boo me off stage for not belonging in the competition? Hmm...
Then there is my weight. Shouldn't I been trying to pile on the pounds if I was entering a Bear Contest? What if I come out with a sucked-in six pack effect and the bear clan groans? I may not have enough blubber to satisfy this crowd!
The only thing I got is that I am an ATTENTION WHORE. I am pretty good about impromptu stage antics. I can emulate my Goddess Paris Hilton in every which way possible. So... let's pray that attitude and balls count for something this Saturday night!
Second of all... how do I handle the competition aspect of this contest? Knowing me, I would probably be more inclined to trip the competing contestants than to adopt the attitude that I am happy to be there. I am so sorry... but it's TRUE! Brett does NOT like to lose at anything. When I entered the "Daddy Contest" last year at Georges, I came in second. I was thrilled that I placed 2nd because many nice looking guys didn't even place. But I was horrified that the winner wasn't the prettiest. Well... he may have actually qualified more as the "Daddy" than I did... so I will cut the judges some slack.
Speaking of Judges... who do I need to blow to secure a favorable finish? I don't even know who the judges are going to be! And what about the audience? Will my preppy stud reputation ruin any chances of winning a bear contest? Will they boo me off stage for not belonging in the competition? Hmm...
Then there is my weight. Shouldn't I been trying to pile on the pounds if I was entering a Bear Contest? What if I come out with a sucked-in six pack effect and the bear clan groans? I may not have enough blubber to satisfy this crowd!
The only thing I got is that I am an ATTENTION WHORE. I am pretty good about impromptu stage antics. I can emulate my Goddess Paris Hilton in every which way possible. So... let's pray that attitude and balls count for something this Saturday night!
posted by Brettcajun at Wednesday, August 16, 2006
29 Comments:
You definitely have a great build to be in a contest. If it's a bear contest, is there any way you can glue some bushy hair all over? Hehehehe, but if you did that, you'd cover those nice pecs. Hmmmm... good luck!
Just make sure you don't trim ANY hair on your body and the more facial hair, the better.
Forget the Paris Hilton thing too, that IS NOT a bear thing AT ALL, and you will be laughed offstage if you don't... Be butch, get a leather arm band, a cigar and your favorite LSU ballcap and you should be fine... Good luck
When I said "Paris Hilton", I meant "act slutty". I didn't mean to say I was going to act like a screaming queen. (LOL)! I am butch God Dammit! Grrr....
Go hang out at a truck stop....
Maybe you should bring one of your chickens or the rooster along. That has to give you some points don't you think?
Ok Jimmi, a cocky guy bringing a cock to the contest...yea, it might work.
I am sure you can turn the 'butch' thing on with no problem. Once you take your shirt off, no matter what contest you are entering, you are sure to win. I have a trophy I would love to give you! lol
Best of luck darlin, not that you will need it...you sexy stud!
Brett, did I tell you I'm one of the judges for this contest? :)
Great body, great face, and smart, u have all to win, just let the hair grow up
When did the "BEAR" community get co-opted by the morbidly obese of our gay breathren?
Bear - slang [early 1980s] A hairy, fleshy, large, virile man, especially in the gay male community; a man, usually somewhat stouter than the average man, who has more body hair than most men. Variations are Cub (younger bear) or Otter (a slimmer, playful, bearish type).
You need not "pile on the pounds."
Yeah, I can't tell you how butch you look with that chicken roosting on your belly!
Hmmmm...I don't think it is about being fat as much as being big...and plenty of hair. I have seen that you CAN have it when you want so let it grown...definitely need a goatee but a beard would even be better! NOT that I am an expert!
Ok Brett, first, drop Paris Hilton!?
No pounds except muscle pounds!?
Let me check your pic to see how you should dress...be right back!?
Ok, just looked at "the snake" dance on June 28th.
1st, never scream like you did for a Daddy contest!?
2nd, still have those pecs or are they better?! Show them off!? get a vest or a leather harnest!?
3rd, never show your ass!? No matter how great, show it wrapped up!? You the Daddy!?
I would go fur very used tight jeans, skim thight!? Harnest and probably a cap!?
Boots!? Gotta have boots!?
Don't smile, you're too cute when you do!?
Brett... Think Otter and you'll fly. that's a bear and prbably wear you (and I fall). Wear the baseball cap, jeans, and get a nice muscle T-shirt or tank. Show some chest hair bud. And lose the jock strap, trust me. You're probably asking how I know...let's just say I have a muscle-bear guardian angel In Ft. Lauderdale, Florida who just posted some information on just this topic of presenting yourself at a bear bar.
Hey show them your jiggy dance - I am sure that'll help you walk away with the prize :)
I quote:
"Then there is my weight. Shouldn't I been trying to pile on the pounds if I was entering a Bear Contest? What if I come out with a sucked-in six pack effect and the bear clan groans? I may not have enough blubber to satisfy this crowd!"
...perhaps not, but you 'll certainly satisfy the arrogant insensitive a-hole requirement, if there is one. Good luck! you'll need it.
no anonymous poster here. My name is Rich, better known as BIG18GUNZ on bear411.
..oh also, my email is big18gunz@yahoo.com
Attention whoredom is the number 1 way to when contests of this variety. All else is perception and can't be adjusted to suit all judges or opinions. Charm wins on the contest stage and in the love arena, etc. Don't sweat it, man.
Just be yourself, I am sure that will be quite enough.
woof, who's taking pictures man! Damn now I want to go. The camo's sound find, or with those hot legs maybe even some cut up blue jeans shorts really tight with rips all over. I can help with that sort of thing you know. You'll do fine. Can't wait to see the pictures, and someone better take pictures.
All the bears I know are big ole Teddy's. Just be your hot self and you will be fine, my bengal tiger friend.... WAR EAGLE!
I think trunk guy is right,the jiggy dance would have to see win the talent section of the contest? (do the one with the snake)
If I was one of the judges you wouldn't have a thing to worry about. You would win hands down.
Unrelated, Kevin :)
I've enjoyed your blog and the time we've shared getting to know one another. I'm slowly making my rounds with all the peeps I've connected with to thank them. I don't think I'll ever be blogging again....and am not sure if I'll get around to visiting people....anytime soon :)
Thanks for everything!
Love,
Marc
ooops....u can see I'm flakey as ever and that this is a similar message I'm sending to all my buds....I forgot to put Brett in place of Brian hehehehehe Take Care
You will look great as always...
You will have the right attitude...
You will WIN!
Best of luck......
DON~
Bret -
I know you love ANY competition. Go for it! And we'll wait to read the results in Sunday's sports pages.
I have a feeling you'll be bringing home the Gold. You'll be fine as you are just dress in say a leather vest with no shirt underneath, jeans (or chaps), Doc Martens...
Don't sweat being an attention whore. It's no crime. And you're in good company! :)
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