Sordid Weekend Tales

I should never be allowed to handle a beard trimmer. In an effort to clean up my hair, I put a beard trimmer on #3 and whacked my hair off almost down to the skin. I tried in VAIN to fix the screwup, but I did it even more injustice. E.Shrew was of absolutely no help to me. Here I was screaming that my beautiful hair was screwed up for the whole weekend, and all he could do was stand there laughing his ass off at my debacle. Then E.Shrew had the NERVE to try to take a picture of it! He could have been helping me! I clenched his camera and asked him (in no uncertain terms) if he wanted that camera thrown in the toilet. He caught the severity of my steely nerves, and decided it was best he leave me alone. Thank God for my LSU cap! I later had a friend give me a military haircut Saturday which saved the day. I look so butch now that the men were practically throwing themselves on me. Grrr...

In the dog park this weekend, Jack E. Shrew decides to take a big wizz on a young lady's feet. She is sitting in a plastic chair, reading a book, and minding her own business. She suddenly jumps up and begins to SHRIEK "OH MY GOD! SOMEBODY'S DOG JUST PEED ON ME!!!" To E.Shrew's horror, it was his hilly billy dog Jack who peed a river on her flip flop wearing delicate feet. E.Shrew could only hold back the laughs and try to convey his most heartfelt "SORRY!" The lady screamed back at him, "Well... you can at least come wash my feet!" She was stomping around the dog park mad as a hatter looking for a hose to wash off her pee laden barnacles. Uhhh... E.Shrew never did try to make good and wash her feet.

Later as we are driving through the French Quarter, we see a lady in a black dress propping up her legs on a rail on a second floor balcony. Shockingly, there it was... looking down at us below... her MUFF and her cellulite laden thighs! Apparently the lady was cooling off from a hot day in the Louisiana sun. I was still recovering from my hangover from the night before, and it only made my head hurt worse. E.Shrew was equally horrified.

We did have fun visiting with a friend we call "Camilla" this weekend. Camilla is a very fun person to hang out with. He always makes us smile. Camilla took a few pictures of us acting up in the bar. He thinks we make a very cute couple. Camilla promised to email us those pictures, but I have yet to see them. (COUGH) If you read this Camilla, please go ahead and email me those pictures. My fans really do want to see YET another picture of my tongue stretching out to lick another person or body part.