First Meeting of the Brett Hater's Club
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Brett Hater's Club.... WELCOME. Please take your seats as we are about to get started. Oh my... there are not enough seats in the auditorium for everybody. Gentlemen, if you would kindly just stand up behind the rows of seats, we can get started. Wow. We have way more in attendance for this very first meeting of the Brett Hater's Club than I expected. Okay... some of you can actually just stand up on the sides of those seated rows. There you go. Whew! It is going to be crowded folks, but I do thank you for coming!
The first thing on our agenda folks is a discussion about why we are here. Our motto is "We wont stop until Brett ceases to exist!" (THUNDEROUS OVATION) Wow! What a lively crowd we have here! You guys are really stoked this morning! Okay guys... settle down... we have A LOT to cover today! We are going to start by displaying a special message from Brett himself. (LOUD CHORUS OF BOO's)
SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM BRETT HIMSELF:
I would first off like to say... FUCK YOU BITCHES! I know you hate the ground I walk on. I see you hiss at me when I work the crowds at the Bourbon Pub. I see those evil little smirks you all make when I pass by. Trust me... I am FAR from perfect... but each and every one of you bitches are the quirkiest motherfuckers on the planet! You want a pissing contest? Don't make me start calling out names and listing every fucking thing wrong with each and every one of you bitches.
You know what? I will not stoop to your level. I know that I am a work in progress, and I am simply going to concentrate on that. Yes, it's true that I am going to turn 36 years old in a couple of weeks. Yes, it's true that I should really be more mature at my age. But you know what? I am living life. I am actually more self-actualized than you are.
If I really did care too much about what others think... why would I do those God awful Jiggy Dances? If I wanted to portray myself as the sweetest little guy, why on Earth would I have posted my rant that strongly suggested that the black community needs to get its act together down here? Oh yeah... that was a ratings hit! But boy did my reputation fall precipitously! If I was really just another vain fag lacking substance, why am I spending so much time and energy on writing my novel? If I only truly cared about myself, why do I spoil my Dachshunds Boudreaux and Pierre, my chickens, and that boyfriend that goes by E.Shrew?
I do realize that my mere existence and antics have spawned two Brett camps. You have the Brett Fan Club and you have the Brett Hater's Club. The funny thing is that nearly all the people in the Brett Hater's Club are former good friends. Somewhere along the line in our interactions, I have disappointed you on one too many occasions. I joke to my current friends that often give me a hard time that I am glad to see that they are actively running for the Presidency of the Brett Hater's Club.
THIS IS THE DEAL FOLKS: I KNOW I AM FAR FROM PERFECT. Now... I must ask you this... aren't we all a little quirky in our own special ways? I can look at every single friend of mine and find many quirks. I think none of my friends are perfect by a longshot. Who really is? If anyone should be the President of the Brett Hater's Club, it really should be myself. Why? I KNOW I can do better. Working on being a better person is what I am working on every day of my life. Now all you bitches need to get off my ass, look in the mirror and concentrate on fixing your own damned self!
The first thing on our agenda folks is a discussion about why we are here. Our motto is "We wont stop until Brett ceases to exist!" (THUNDEROUS OVATION) Wow! What a lively crowd we have here! You guys are really stoked this morning! Okay guys... settle down... we have A LOT to cover today! We are going to start by displaying a special message from Brett himself. (LOUD CHORUS OF BOO's)
SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM BRETT HIMSELF:
I would first off like to say... FUCK YOU BITCHES! I know you hate the ground I walk on. I see you hiss at me when I work the crowds at the Bourbon Pub. I see those evil little smirks you all make when I pass by. Trust me... I am FAR from perfect... but each and every one of you bitches are the quirkiest motherfuckers on the planet! You want a pissing contest? Don't make me start calling out names and listing every fucking thing wrong with each and every one of you bitches.
You know what? I will not stoop to your level. I know that I am a work in progress, and I am simply going to concentrate on that. Yes, it's true that I am going to turn 36 years old in a couple of weeks. Yes, it's true that I should really be more mature at my age. But you know what? I am living life. I am actually more self-actualized than you are.
If I really did care too much about what others think... why would I do those God awful Jiggy Dances? If I wanted to portray myself as the sweetest little guy, why on Earth would I have posted my rant that strongly suggested that the black community needs to get its act together down here? Oh yeah... that was a ratings hit! But boy did my reputation fall precipitously! If I was really just another vain fag lacking substance, why am I spending so much time and energy on writing my novel? If I only truly cared about myself, why do I spoil my Dachshunds Boudreaux and Pierre, my chickens, and that boyfriend that goes by E.Shrew?
I do realize that my mere existence and antics have spawned two Brett camps. You have the Brett Fan Club and you have the Brett Hater's Club. The funny thing is that nearly all the people in the Brett Hater's Club are former good friends. Somewhere along the line in our interactions, I have disappointed you on one too many occasions. I joke to my current friends that often give me a hard time that I am glad to see that they are actively running for the Presidency of the Brett Hater's Club.
THIS IS THE DEAL FOLKS: I KNOW I AM FAR FROM PERFECT. Now... I must ask you this... aren't we all a little quirky in our own special ways? I can look at every single friend of mine and find many quirks. I think none of my friends are perfect by a longshot. Who really is? If anyone should be the President of the Brett Hater's Club, it really should be myself. Why? I KNOW I can do better. Working on being a better person is what I am working on every day of my life. Now all you bitches need to get off my ass, look in the mirror and concentrate on fixing your own damned self!
posted by Brettcajun at Wednesday, May 31, 2006
20 Comments:
Why Brett,
I have already looked in the mirror and LIKE myself a whole lot. I have also come to realize I am far more handsome, far more wonderful, far more intelligent, far more superior at tennis, far more muscular, far more flirtatious, dare I say far more endowed???? than said author. HEHEHE!(Gosh I love doing this to you!***evil smirk***)
Really, I am a Brett fan. have ai convinced you! ;-) hugs
So... this is due to the approaching birthday? :)
Ok, so you're turning 36.........calm down. I will be 45 in a month and a half. You don't see me self imploding on my blog.
Now as for getting off your ass............No way! I could chew on it and ride it for days!
From a Brett Fan!
Tonka
Well, as a member of the "I Think Brett is ONE HOT MOTHER FUCKER" club, don't understand the other people. BTW - what did you do to Tony to get him to think that way - and you got some of that for me?
Oh Lord, I must be rubbing off on poor Tony. HOW DARE HE brag about his own piece on MY DAMNED BLOG! THE NERVE!!!! As for as the endowed part, I don't know about that! I sure never saw a package on Tony. He must be a grower!
Brett --
OK, OK. So I've lurked here long enough. Somehow I found your blog searching for "tennis." And I've read it all ... I find your sense of humor and self actualization great. Just the right amount of bitching to remain real. I'm a real fan!
While we've never met, yet. I hope to someday.
Blogging 101. By letting it get to you so much you give the "haters" more fuel for the fire. Every now and then it's good to expose ignorance for what it is just don't let it get to YOU. As long as you know the direction of your life then who cares what anyone else thinks.
Continue doing what you do best..being Brett.
LMAO - that was too damn funny. I also have been reading for weeks now, and I find your honesty and ranting, well, refreshing AND entertaining.
When is that "outdoor" jiggy coming???
Keep it up = )
Loved this post! It's why I enjoy reading your blog so much - well, that and the Jiggy dances :)
There's a Brett Haters Club? I'm always the last to know.
Hmmm, what do I usually say to haters?
Pardon me, but...
Fuck them.
Brett, Brett, Brett --
What a good man you are. Sure, we all have our failings and shortcomings, but we all try to do better and to be better. We all try to improve. This is what I like most about you. You're doing alright. Cut yourself some slack. Don't you deserve it?
As far as the "Brett Hater's Club" - well they'll come around. And even if they don't, do they REALLY matter? I thought not.
Oh Brett, can I be Secretary of the Brett Lover's Club?
I agree with Moby. I have learned the more I talk abotu it the more they getr vocal. Ignore those bitches and they will eventually go away!
As I was reading I thought, "DID I miss something here?"
Who could hate Brett???
I too like the way you speak what you think and we can all learn a lot from speaking out loud and taking feed back from others...live and learn...and coming from someone who has been accused of instigating a few conversations in the job front...keep up the good work...Happy Pride!
The only thing I'm hating regarding and about you is that you are way too hard on yourself --but aren't we all?
I'm sending the World's Finest Cajun a big hug and a grab on that sexy ass of yours (sorry E. Shrew couldn't help myself) ;-)
Smooches!
Pookie
Brett,
Give them hell and stay true to yourself.
That was hilarious! You handled it with a great sense of humor!
I know how you feel, I recently discovered the Nathan Exposed Hater's Club, and it was not pretty.
Fuck 'em. For every 1 hater, there were 5 true friends offering their support.
Hey, speaking of that...where the hell were you, asshole?
LOL
I will be joining Spiders club. As for slab just let it all hand out it's all good.
You know you've made it when you got haters, they're the ones who can't stop thinking about you. Don't sweat it and just keep on doin' what you do, its your blog not theirs.
Jeez, dude, how effeminate can you be? How many times did you say "bitch" in that little rant? LOL. I could just about see you sliding your head back and forth and snapping your little manicured fingernails in a Z formation.
It's so cute how you act like the "haters" don't bother you but then you proceed to throw a primadonna diva hissyfit.
Yeah, we're totally buying it.
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