Friday, December 30, 2005
Thursday, December 29, 2005
2006 New Year's Resolutions
Carry the momentum of having that little known thing called a "savings account". I learned from the Katrina disaster that you REALLY should have an emergency fund. Living paycheck to paycheck is not cool or acceptable to me anymore. The stars have properly lined up right for me and the financial Gods have brought great blessen upon me. NOTE TO SELF: DON'T SCREW IT UP THIS TIME! I have no excuse for not allowing that savings account to modestly grow. Don't let it burn a hole in my pocket. My Pathfinder is paid for. Sure, it is 5 years old, but I don't need that bright shiny sports cars to make me feel younger nor do I need some luxury vehicle to impress my peeps. (that is what my body is for)
Speaking of my body... I worked my ass off this year to have an awesome body. I have a nice strong masculine and shapely upper body. KEEP IT UP! I am at 80% of where I want to be. My goal for the New Year is to have much bigger biceps (cause strong guns are sexy), bigger legs, and a more fuckable... errr... nicer butt. My challenge is to stop the PIGGIE act. I have resigned myself to eating all the crap everybody else eats during the holidays. I am not going to settle for being a TUB OF GOO like everybody else. I will NOT be a lazy slacker in the gym. I will have the body I always dreamed of having. WHY? So I can kick your ass if you tick me off.
Move past my childhood horrors. I have 15 Christmas cards at my house right now. Only two are from my family. I have some great friends that have been very thoughtful to me. Whenever I get a card or a gift, my first reaction is usually "I don't deserve this." Well, it is finally time for me to recognize that I am a great person and that I have wonderful friends. I am well loved. I have some good friends because I work hard at being a good friend to them. Time for me to recognize that! I AM worthy!
Get my MCSE certification. I have taken 8 computer classes in 2005 and I have at least 7 more this year. This allowed me to fire our network administrator and do those duties at my place of employment. Instead of crashing on the couch at home (or jerking it online)... I am going to be a responsible student. I will study hard, take my exams, and pass my exams. That will be my primary focus. Slab can be loved by a real person in real time on the weekends. Time to divorce my hand and Slab during the week. In my opinion, Slab and my hand spend too many countless hours together when I could be studying.
TENNIS PRO AMBITIONS
Become a better tennis player. I am playing in an Austin gay tennis tournament March 18-20, 2006. I need to greatly improve my serves. I also need to better prepare my stamina for grueling tournament play. In the Houston tournament a couple months ago, I was a walking zombie after playing 47 games in one day. My heel was hurt. Every leg muscle ached. To better prepare myself for the physical requirements of a tennis tournament, I will go to spinning class AT LEAST twice a week. Additionally, I'll play my whipping boy once or twice a week. My whipping boy has gotten dramatically better! I'll keep him around just to remind him of our the proper pecking order. When I am fully superb, I am going to travel however far to KICK DAVID'S ASS in tennis. GRRR... Yes, I am still holding a grudge for being 0-1 against David.
Monday, December 26, 2005
The Taming of the Shrew with Puppy Love...
The Miniature Schnauser riding to his new home. Isn't he cute? Jack E. Shrew, Son of E. Shrew. Me and Jack in front of the barn. Jack in E. Shrew's lap.
Boudreaux and Pierre investigating this new creature brought into their lives.Boudreaux and Pierre adore Jack. We were real worried about this. Pierre especially loves him! Jack has taken an affinity for both of their tails. Their only defense is jumping on a couch to get away from the teething little rugrat.
Jack laying on E. Shrew.
Pierre showing his love. This was taken after Pierre gave him a good tongue bath. Let me repeat, we are SO RELIEVED my Dachshunds are affectionate to Jack E. Shrew. I was worried Boudreaux, my bad ass dog, would treat Jack as a squeaky plush toy.
You are looking at my Christmas gift to E. Shrew. My dogs absolutely adore him. He adores their chewy tails. He is just like a baby. Poor E. Shrew is having a doozy of a time getting in his required 10 hours of sleep. This little angel wakes him up at 5am every morning for feeding, bathroom break, and teething on E.Shrew's fingers and ear. Awww.... such a sweetheart. Yes, I really do think this will bring about the TAMING OF THE SHREW.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Beat Up on Christmas Day...
That was after a great Christmas Eve party. There was the usual (one niece crying because she didn't want to eat seafood gumbo and potato salad before the presents). She is my only niece. Every year before that, there was one picky eating nephew that played that role for every Christmas. Us adults bellied over with laughter after Grandma did a HORRENDOUS boo boo. When you give three nephews an identically wrapped present, that is the same size, at the same time, PLEASE make sure that they are essentially the same thing. The horror on two nephews faces when they discovered their package contained each a bathrobe, while the other nephew yelled merrily as his box that contained a toy was PRICELESS! Kids REALLY hate clothes. The worse thing you can do is give a child clothes. (especially the spoiled toy-obsessed nephews I have)
Then, there was the BIG FAT check from mom and dad. Sweeeeeeet! Oh my God... I hope 2006 is as good as this year ended! Coupled with my work bonus, I instantly have a nice size savings right now! Woohoo! Thanks Mom and Dad! You are the greatest! Us adults each brought an adult gift and pulled numbers. I got #4 and selected a square box. Inside it was a nice wire thingee with a hook... I inspected the package further and discovered that there was a clock that hung on that hook. Awww... it was pretty, but I liked the check from mom and dad better! (lol)
So, now I am at home on Christmas Day with my Dachunds... Boudreaux and Pierre. I didn't get them anything for Christmas. Hell... everyday is Christmas for those guys! Not only do they get to sleep with me everynight (how many guys wish for THAT chance?), they get lots of couch cuddling too. We have had plenty cuddling time this whole weekend on the couch as I lay comatose from binging on chocolate pecan delights, Chocolate creme filled luxury wafers, and chocolate chip cookies. I basically ate anything sweet that I could get my grubby fat hands on. I'll probably take them to New Orleans with me today. They'll love running in the dogpark in the French Quarter again. They haven't been there since before Katrina.
Later this evening, I'll hook up with E. Shrew. We do separate family holiday get togethers. For Christmas, I got E. Shrew the most beautiful and precious miniature schnauser for Christmas. He named him Jack. His official name will be... "Jack E. Shrew". I was already told today that the puppy fell off E.Shrew's bed and cried hysterically. This happened after E.Shrew rolled on top of him earlier in the night as he did his nightly mad tossing and turning in the bed. The puppy cried then too! I once told him that people who have nothing to feel guilty about sleep quite peaceful and restful sleeps. (evil grin) I am crossing my fingers E.Shrew will be a good mother and not a Joan Crawford. I did get this puppy for E.Shrew hoping for the "Taming of the Shrew". Right now, E.Shrew sounds very happy with his bundle of joy. Let's all cross our fingers and hope for good results!
Friday, December 23, 2005
REALLY OLD FAMILY PICS
My Grandfather Lucien as a young boy.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Old Family Photos
My Grandmother Yolande in 1953. My Grandmother Yolande and my Mother
My Mother and an Uncle
My Mother and Father
My Mother with My Sister and My Oldest Brother Mom and Dad with My Sister and My Oldest Brother My Late Grandfather Lucien, Uncle, Me (on left), and my Twin Brother I just came back from my mother's family's Christmas party. My mother's family is huge with 8 brothers and sisters. They were cycling old family photos on the television set in the living room. It was an awesome experience to see our family from the time before I was born, all the way up to the present. Before we left, they gave all the brothers and sisters a CD with a collection of our family. I thought I would share some of the family photos. Photos bring so much memories. I have such great respect for my Grandmother, my Grandfather, all my Aunt and Uncles, and my Parents.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
So... it was me and Bart together taking on the poker world. There were 16 people, so they divided us up in two tables. Bart and I got to play at the same table by correctly drawing the right color (red) cards. The buy in for $10,000 worth of chips was $20. You have one more chance to buy in for another $20 if you lose all your chips within an hour and a half of play. My brother Bart had to buy in again. I never had to. I played a tight game.
Bart and I made it to the final table. Woohoo! For all of our efforts, we all took $20 out of the pot. This ensured me breaking even. About 10 minutes later, my brother goes ALL IN. I went all in too. I got lucky and caught a Flush on the River. My brother had three deuces. I GOT MY EVIL TWIN BROTHER OUT THE GAME! Woohoo! My chip count was now $35,000!
Unfortunately, I only had ten minutes left. A Chinese poker player with twice as much money as me caught two pair. I strategically made a huge mistake by not calling ALL IN right when I had two Aces. My brother pointed this out later. I was glad he stayed behind to cheer me on through the tournament.
So, it was a fun getaway. My brother and I haven't spent too much time together lately. It was like old times. I love my twin brother. He's the coolest.
Once a Whipping Boy... Always a Whipping Boy!
That "OOMPF" helped me take a 4-1 lead in both sets, before eventually winning 6-3 and 7-6. Why was the score so close? I don't know. For some reason when I play Tom, I lay off the accelerator, relax my game, and wait for the predictable result. That comes back to bite me sometimes. With Heath, future whipping boy, I dare not relax and I battle hard the whole way through. I have to give Tom credit though. He comes back for more and more beatings in cold weather or not. Is he a glutton for punishment?
On an odd note, apparently there is some rule for E.Shrew that you can't play tennis when it is cold. That's fine. When you pick up your racquet again, you may find yourself way behind all of us tennis pros who play year round. Great... especially since we have often bet on our games for food or sex! I look forward to eating merrily and having my way with you when you are ready to step foot on those courts where I now rule.
My tennis coach just informed me that I am now ranked #211 in the world in my division. (gay and Class D) That is a big move from 800 and something last year after I choked in my first tournament ever. Sadly, E.Shrew is #177 ahead of me. Grrr.... that will change if I come to Austin March 18-20th next year in another gay tournament.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
I have always been one of those lucky few who look better with my clothes off than with my clothes on. (the Brett haters are now hissing) Unfortunately, society would look down upon me walking on your city streets naked as a jaybird. So, I must clothe myself. Much to my friend Joe's chagrin, I usually walk around in a tight ass fitting shirt that shows off every cut of my muscles in my chest, arms, and back. He made a point to make fun of me this weekend because I wasn't hiding myself beneath the weight of wintery clothes. I told him that I HAVE to show off my body. Hell, I am not from New Orleans... there is NO Katrina 10 here! (reference to the weight those New Orleanians have gained since the hurricane) Some wish they only gained 10 pounds, but I aint saying WHO.
Even E.Shrew, who is a beautist, has gained the Katrina 10. So, why not me? I give up trying to look good while all of you have your wintery blubber packed on. I am joining the crowd!
Monday, December 19, 2005
Home is Where the Heart is...
Well, now I have made a solemn vow to stop bitching about my father. Why? He has allowed me to take EIGHT computer classes this year on company time and paid for the classes. Next year, I have EIGHT more classes to take. He'll pay for those classes too. Additionally, I got to peek at my annual bonus over the weekend and I was pleasantly surprised. After doing a quick calculation in my head, I have figured out that my salary will be substanially higher this year than last year. Additionally, my father has provided for me a nice four bedroom home (mortgage free and rent free) to ensure I will always have a roof over my head. I will finally have enough cash flow to BREATHE. I can now take trips to places. Best of all, I can finally be able to SAVE MONEY. (something I couldn't do when I paid that monsterous mortgage note) So, I have to count my blessings.
For those of you who were wondering, I am doing fine now. Thanks for asking! If I ever slag my father again, please tear off a thick branch from a tree and tear into my ungrateful ass! My dad has been a great provider. I may not see eye-to-eye with him at times, but he has been a great father. I am lucky to have him.
Saturday, December 17, 2005
#1 Ranked Heath vs. #2 Ranked Brett
I took the first set 6-3 from my arch rival. I was sharp. I placed the balls where I wanted them to go. My hatred of losing at anything was the driving force spurring me to victory. On the second set, Heath bolted out to a 5-1 lead. I caught back up to 5-4 before succumbing in the end. Heath took the second set 6-4. Us warriors were both tired. Every shot in the last few games was hotly contested. The only thing that prevented us from finishing was nightfall. The tennis courts at City Park did not have lights working properly. Alas, the only thing we could do was call it a "Draw".
I personally notched up the day as a victory for me. I did win one more game than Heath. That wasn't all. He now knows I am perfectly capable of outhustling and outmuscling him on any giving day. The look in his eyes confirmed that time and time again. Until we meet again... the Draw result did help Heath keep his tepid hold on #1 just a little while longer. But he must surely know... I am NO whipping boy anymore. I am going to rightfully take my crown someday very soon.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
REFUSE TO LOSE...
My opponent beat me the last time in a wind ravaged game on his homecourt. It was my first loss to this MOFO. I didn't blog about it. The wind was so horrendous, how could I possibly count it as a fair game?
Last night, I knew I was in for a battle. Tom was cocky. He has been exercising, working out and taking tennis clinic lessons everyday. He could FINALLY hustle those wobbly old legs to compete against my vibrant youth. I hadn't played tennis for quite a while, but I knew I was not going to lose. There was going to be no wind or preoccupations with E.Shrew on my mind to effect my game.
My opponent was on the tennis courts waiting for me. We greeted each other at the bench next to the court with steely gazes. I stared him right into the eyes and announced his destiny... "I refuse to lose to you. I haven't played in a while, but I know I am going to KICK YOUR ASS." Those words burned hard in his soul.
My anger and adrenaline only rose after my early missed shots. I was numbed from the ecstacy of adrenaline. I was in full battle mode. NOTHING WAS GETTING PAST ME. I OWN THE NET. THE WHOLE COURT IS MINE. With every win, my confidence only surged. Fully energized by cockiness, confidence and adrenaline, I was unbeatable. Poor Tom got burned by the flame of my competitive ass kicking. Tonight was the night... I REFUSED TO LOSE. With much zeal, I sliced my unworthy opponent down 6-1, 6-2. Tom fell like Lucy Lu as my racquet was my Hattori Hanzo sword. The head of the criminal Yakuza in all of Japan was slayed.
I left the tennis court with one more opponent on my mind... the elusive and formidable Heath. I am walking for your head next Heath. I REFUSE TO LOSE TO YOU. My destiny is written in the stars. Your evil empire's hold on the #1 spot is coming to a painfully dramatic end this Friday. A stronger and determined tennis player is stepping up to claim his thrown. That can of whoopass has just been opened. I CAN smell your fear...
New Brett WTA Rankings:
1. Heath (temporary spot until Friday's asswhooping)
2. Brett (happy I am about to leave this spot I have been sitting at forever)
3. David (a little bird told me he suffered a rare set loss and subsequent draw)
4. Tom (you have elevated your game... sadly... to no avail)
5. E. Shrew (demoted for lack of play)
6. Bart (demoted for lack of play)
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Fabio Goes In Lunge Ring...
Fabio was skittish, but did very well for his very first time.
E.Shrew comforting a nervous Fabio.
Sometimes the lead rope had to be readjusted as Fabio tried to go the other way.
Now Fabio is doing it right!
For the first time ever, Fabio was run in the lunge ring. Me and E.Shrew did this for the very first time with a colt that had not received any training thus far. My father showed up shortly after and he was a pro. He had Fabio running swiftly in either direction. I cringed each time my father whooped Fabio with a buggywhip. He was far more aggressive than we were. But you know what? He earned Fabio's respect. What can we learn from this? WHIP YOUR KIDS GOOD!
Babysitting Four Dogs All Weekend
Thursday, December 08, 2005
The Great Yellow Rose Mystery...
During the week of Thanksgiving, I got delivered some yellow roses from a new florist. I had called the sender of the first two to find out if he had sent these too. His answer was "HELL NO. I SPENT $300 ON YOU. WHY WOULD I WASTE ANYMORE MONEY ON YOUR ASS?" I apologized and told him that someone must have been playing a joke because these were cheaper quality flowers and came from a different florist. But there was one clue. On the card, was a heart written in red, with "XOXOXO" in red, and "???" in red. Was someone trying to play a joke on me? What in the fuck am I going to do with these flowers??? I already had the beautiful red roses still looking gorgeous. E.Shrew was going to keel over from a heart attack if he saw that I had two vases with two dozen roses in each. I did the only thing I could do. I RAN to my parents house and donated all my flowers to my mother. I could not let E.Shrew see that I had even more flowers since we were back together.
Yesterday, I had a long white box with a yellow ribbon at my doorstep from an entirely new florist. E.Shrew was going to be at my house within seconds. I hurried into my house and hid them in my junk room before I could think of what to do next. WHO IN THE FUCK WAS SENDING ME MORE ROSES!?! E.Shrew came in the house and plopped on my couch. I didn't know what to do! I opened the card and it had another cryptic message written in red. It had a heart with an arrow through it. Under that, there was "XOXOXO" in red, then under that "???" written in red. On the back of the card was written something new. It said "Round 2". (INSERT TWILIGHT ZONE MUSIC) Then I started getting creeped out. What if I have a psycho stalker that tracked me down from my blog?!?! What if this is a serial killer? It was then I decided that I must tell E.Shrew. I walked in the living room and said "Michael (E.Shrew)... we have to talk." He got nervous from the tone of my voice. I walked to my junk room and brought in my box of yellow roses. Upon seeing this, he immediately burst into laughter. He said, "WHO KEEP'S DOING THIS?!?!" I said, "I DON'T KNOW!" I called the florist and they said that they did not show any deliveries to my address. I told them they came in a box. They said "Well then, that had to be cash and carry... we are not showing any deliveries to where you live." Oh, Shit...they know where I live! (MORE TWILIGHT ZONE MUSIC)
Candle Boy: He definitely has the money to buy this many flowers. Is he still after me? Or is he trying to fuck with my relationship with E. Shrew? What possibly rules him out is that he was always proud to put who the flowers were coming from. Also, he spent handsomely on the flowers. Since I have not heard from him in a while, I have serious doubts it is him.
My Parents: Every Christmas, they seem to find a person to play tricks on. They have never spent this much money on a prank though! When I got the third delivery of flowers, I made a comment to my mother that it must be a joke because it was obviously CHEAPER flowers and came from a different florist. I noticed a brief moment of pain in my mother. She quickly said, "How do you know they were cheap? When a person orders flowers, they don't know what condition they'll be in when they are delivered." Hmmm... suspicious. I got even more suspicious when the bill to the flowers were sent to where I work. It was ordered by a fictious name. The flower bill was NOT cheap and was billed to my father's company (where I work). My father, who is a good actor, certainly put on his most pissed off look. He said he wasn't paying for them and I needed to think about all the friends I have that would do this to me. POSSIBLE MOTIVE: To fuck with E.Shrew. My father laughed his ass off about the story of E.Shrew having a panic attack when he first saw my first batch of roses. My father is kind of messy and does not miss an opportunity to stir up shit (especially with E.Shrew). When I turned on my street, my dad was just leaving the area. He said he was checking on the new road they had just paved on my street. This is plausable because my whole family lives in houses on the same land.
Ex: This was one of the friends that knew I was getting the flowers. He would be clever enough to get yellow roses and bill it to my father's company. He knows a lot about my family, because we were together for five years. What possibly rules him out is the "cash and carry" last batch of yellow roses. He doesn't have big pockets.
E-Shrew: He definitely has the money to play a trick like this. Possible motive? To fuck with me because he was irritated by the first two deliveries of flowers. OR... he wanted to see if I would tell him I was getting flowers from someone (testing my honesty?) Right before I arrived home and found the flowers... he went right behind me and startled me at the nearby neighborhood grocery store. He was already in the area! Hmmm... The thing that possibly rules him out is that the he has never given me flowers before. He's a bit on the tight side.
Blog Psycho Stalker Killer: God... let's hope not!!!! I love myself too much to go through those PEARLY GATES right now!!! Does the yellow roses mean he is Mexican??? Joe... are you the psycho stalker killer??? Could it be a rival blogger who is peeved that my blog is nothing but fluff and half naked pics of myself? Hmmm....
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
In Hillary I Trust...
You tree hugging liberals need to take a few less puffs off your peace pipes and back off criticizing Hillary Clinton. Rather than attacking our best chance of recapturing the White House, your efforts need deploying elsewhere. Criticize our illegitimate Despot for his sheer incompetence. Go door-to-door soliciting signatures for the impeachment of the Bush Cheney Clan. Encourage the Hague to try these imbeciles as WAR CRIMINALS. Investigate the Fox Network and Sean Hannity for under the table payments from the GOP for planted propaganda stories. Do everything you can to bring the GOP down to their knees, but don't dare take shots at our only VIABLE candidate.
Why am I so riled up? I had a discussion with this friend named Joe (who calls himself a freak). Joe spills as much vitriolic acid at Hillary and the Democratic Leadership Council (DLC) as he would his true enemies ... the GOP. Joe's panties are in a wad because Hillary is not siding with the extreme lefties in calling for the immediate withdrawal from Iraq. A Quinnipiac University Poll recently showed that 60 percent of voters favor withdrawing from Iraq and 54 percent believe going to war was wrong. If you look beneath the numbers, 40 percent of the voters want our troops to stay in Iraq and 19 percent favor a phased withdrawal from Iraq because the job is not yet done. 40+19=59. That's right...59 percent of voters want us to stay in Iraq longer and NOT immediately because the job is not yet done.
Hillary can do the math. Why can't Joe and the extreme lefties do the math? No one knows if Iraq will be a dismal failure or a success three years from now. The United States invaded a sovereign nation under false pretenses to enrich GOP corporate sponsors and make wimpy Dubya look like the leader of the free world. We have totally FUCKED UP a country. It is our problem to clean up the mess. Leaving immediately would throw Iraq into a civil war and kill millions more innocent people. Hillary is taking the best approach in fixing our leader of the free world's COLOSSAL FUCK UP. We owe it to the Iraqis to fix the great wrong that our leaders have done. We citizens should share the blame for allowing our Congress and our media to blindly be duped into the lies and deceit of the Bush Administration. If three years from now Iraq's future improves because Congress gets a backbone and lights a fire under Bush's ass, then all these extreme lefties are going to look like pure dumbasses for criticizing Hillary Clinton.
My advice to you extreme lefties? Do everything in your power to take down the GOP. They are a party of: lies, propaganda, corruption, torture, killing of innocent Iraqis, enrichment of Big Oil, Big Government and Big Deficits. Leave Hillary alone.
Monday, December 05, 2005
Chasing Matthew's tail. Bend over Biatch!
Sam and E.Shrew
This is under my feet in Matthew's backseat. Somebody make this boy pickup!
This is near E.Shrew's feet in the back of Matthew's car. Is that a bible under his flipflops? (we were on our way to the Nudie Bar) I would have expected a Mariah Scarey CD or something.