Tuesday, August 30, 2005

My prayers go out...

It is nothing but misery down here. We were the lucky ones. My prayers go out to those who have lost lives and homes. In my small hometown, there are 100,000's of refugees from New Orleans. They are camped out at gas stations, store parking lots, and anywhere they can find shelter. It is surreal. It is almost like they are escaping a war. My heart goes out to these people because they cannot find hotel rooms or shelter. My house has no electricity, A/C or running water. As soon as I get back from my vacation, I am going to open up my 4 bedroom house to some New Orleans refugees. (crossing fingers I'll have everything running by then) I am going to take in my boyfriend, Michael, for at least a couple months along with a husband and wife pair who I heard could not find a hotel room in Baton Rouge. I encourage all of your Louisiana readers to think about the plight of these homeless people and try to accomodate them for a month or two. That is the Christian thing to do.

For my blogger buddies... I have decided to drive to Houston, TX tomorrow morning. My boyfriend is about 6 1/2 hours away from Baton Rouge right now. We suddenly realized that we will be living together for a few months, until he can get back to the city. Yes, a tragedy such as a Category 5 Hurricane is FINALLY putting a man in my bed every night. Well... this is what I was always hoping for. Now I have a live-in boyfriend! Now let's see how well we get along seeing each other everyday.

I am going to Las Vegas on Thursday. We are catching an early morning flight from Houston to Las Vegas. There is no reason to stay down here. There is no AC or power. It is freaking HOT as hell down here! I DO feel guilty about it. TRUST ME... I am worried about my conscience now. But considering that we may not have power for another week in my rural area, I am chosing to take a break from it and feel the cool AC on a long ago planned vacation. I'll post pics as I get them. I still plan to meet Purpletwinkie (Scott) and Don (McDoughall's Doodles). I'll let you know how it goes.

You guys please say prayers for all those who have suffered so much in Mississippi and Louisiana. This is truly one of the greatest human tragedies Mississippi and Louisiana has ever faced.

Helpless and Homeless

Boudreaux looking out at the destruction
I feel so helpless. There is so much devastation around here. Most of us are still without power. Some of us have large hundred year old oak trees in our living rooms. The poor people in New Orleans and the southern most Parishes are worse off. People are trying to get back to their homes, but they are blocked everywhere. On Interstate 10 in Slidell and Laplace (two ways to get to New Orleans), there are complete sections under DEEP water. A levee broke in New Orleans and now water is pouring in the city when they thought the worst of it was over with. The French Quarter may flood afterall. Lake Ponchatrain is backing up into Lake Maurepas, which could conceivably cause my whole entire community to flood. (including my house) Traffic is backed up on the interstate system waiting for people to return home. But they can't go anywhere! They are stuck on the interstate with no where to go. How are these people going to eat? Will they run out of gas? Who knows when they can return back to the city? We have a HUGE HOMELESS PROBLEM NOW FOLKS!!!!

And I worry about my New Orleans and Mississippi friends. Larry and Robert have a beautiful home in Gulport, MS only 5 miles from the Gulf of Mexico. Are they okay? I tried to call them everyday, but no one can be reached in that area code. My friend Steve in New Orleans is another I worry about. He is just the type to stick it out through a Hurricane. I can't reach him by phone. He had just bought a house in the section of the city that now has 8 feet of water in the streets. People are on top of rooftops crying for help. Did Steve make it through this ordeal?

This is like the Apocolypse. I think I am going to have to cut my Las Vegas trip. New Orleans two airports are under water. I would have to drive to Houston to catch that flight. How in good conscience could I go to Las Vegas when so much of my people are suffering? I would lose about $500 in show tickets. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. My Catholic guilt would never allow me to enjoy the trip to Sin City, when my community is suffering so much.

Monday, August 29, 2005

I Survived Hurricane Katrina!

Whew! What a scary day it has been! It rained a lot, but not nearly as bothersome as the wind. The wind was so fierce and damaging. Every few minutes I would jump up because I swore the wind sounded like a tornado. I could only wait out the strong winds holding my babies on the couch. At one point, I crossed the path between my house and my parents house. The wind was heavy. Twenty minutes later, we watched in horror as an old oak tree came crashing down over the fence and over the trail. If that had happened twenty minutes earlier... I would have been a DEAD MAN. Wow... I saw my life flash before my eyes as that tree thunderously crashed down to Earth.

Now the storm has completely passed my area. So many trees are down. So many limbs litter every single yard. I lost the fig tree I blogged about previously, a few shingles off the roof, and many downed trees. I am still without power. I am only blogging now from a diesal generator and a dialup connection on my laptop. Many think we'll be without power for over a week. Don't worry about me, I have a flight Thursday morning that'll get me out of this hell hole and to a fabulous city.... Las Vegas.

I talked to Michael, my boyfriend, and he is with his parents safely in Panama City Beach Florida. I could just tell from talking to him that he is thinking about canning the Las Vegas vacation. He is supposed to make the long trek back to New Orleans on Wednesday morning. I understand his concerns, but I told him that I was going to go ahead with the Las Vegas vacation anyway. He goes on fabulous trips worldwide all the time -- I don't. I am not going to let a big bad hurricane ruin a VERY RARE vacation for me. Besides, we already paid over $500 for non-refundable show tickets. I am not about to sit through the HOT temps in Louisiana with no power, no internet, and nothing less than misery. I am going to enjoy a dip in the hot jacuzzi at the Mandalay Bay Spa, get a great massage by a man with strong hands, and sweat in the steam room. I am going to dance my ass off at Rain at the Palms Casino and drink fabulous cocktails. I am going to eat at the best restaurants and buffets in Sin City. I look so very forward to a fun and relaxing vacation. I deserve it. I have had a miserable year with feeling poor and underappreciated at work. I am ready to go on the best vacation for five days before I start my new career. As God is my witness, I shall go to Las Vegas this week!!!

That's all for now folks. I appreciate each and every one of you making comments. You guys are the best!!!! THANK YOU!!! It meant a lot to me more than you guys may ever know! BIG HUG to all of you!

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Twas the night before the Hurricane...

When I wrote my poem about "The Winds of Change", little did I know I was really writing about the impending doom from a Category 5 Hurricane with sustained winds of 175mph. I am all hunkered down in my brick home with Boudreaux and Pierre resting in my bed. I expect power to be knocked out before I wake up. I do not look forward to this scary night. I am encouraged that my boyfriend is managing to get out of harms way. He has been driving for over 12 hours now. In a few hours, he'll have his parents safely tucked away from this killer storm. What a great son!

I did play poker with my brother, sister-in-law and my brother-in-law. I whooped their asses and won $70! Woohoo! That more than makes up for all the non-perishable food I had to buy at the store today. Let's hope I am just as lucky through this storm. If something should happen to me, I want you all to know that I love you all. You are my blogger buddies, and I have enjoyed every minute of it.

Well folks... I am going to bed. This will most likely be my last post before my power goes out. Who knows when I will have power again? The last time a FAR WEAKER storm came through this path, our power was out for ONE WEEK. Can you imagine not having power for a week? Well, the good thing is that my parents have this HUGE ASS diesal generator. So, I'll have hot water and AC. I do not have to go to work tomorrow. (I wonder if we will all be docked?) I am not going to worry about it. All I know is that I need to ride this storm out. Wish us luck!

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Evacuation from Hurricane Katrina

Katrina is roaring towards S. Louisiana (where I live). I am worried about my boyfriend. He has decided to stay behind in New Orleans with his elderly parents. He lives in the French Quarter, which is under sea level. The French Quarter will be massively flooded tomorrow. I worry about his safety and that of his family. I am upset that he has chosen to not leave the city. This a Category 5 hurricane with winds up to 175mph right now! This is a VERY BAD DECISION!!!

I am up in Ascension Parish. I think we'll get the west side of the Hurricane (the safer side). I am hoping for the best. My dogs are going to be with me safely inside. We may not have power for a week, but we'll have each other. I loaded up on Doggie biscuits and food to make it through this disaster. Let's hope for the best from this powerfully destructive force coming this way named Katrina.

Friday, August 26, 2005

The Winds of Change...

The winds of change are coming.
I can feel it's warm breath on the back of my neck.
It is time to sail says the wind.
My feet tingle as they are ready to walk.
The Sun shines brightly before me.
My path is clear ahead.
I walk forward with great optimism,
that my choice is right.
No more am I captive,
of my sorrowful childhood.
I am all grown up,
ready to leave the nest.
To stand on my own,
it is for the best.
When I get to my final destination,
I'll be ready and well rested.
It is time to start living,
in the clear light of the day.
For what wants I have,
I am entitled.
To be richly rewarded,
and loved by someone.

Written by Brettcajun

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Song Tag

Moby tagged me about 10 songs I am currently listening to. Most of these songs are what I eagerly anticipate every afternoon while I am on the couch with my Doggies (Boudreaux and Pierre) laying on top of me.

1. The Georgia Rain,Trisha Yearwood (YOU GO TRISHA! Getting laid on the hood of a car in Jasper County must have been HOT if you are still yearning about it today)

2. Alcohol, Brad Paisley (FUNNY SONG)

3. Making Memories of Us, Keith Urban (WHAT A PERFECT MAN)

4. Goodbye Time, Blake Shelton (AWWW.... I LOVE THIS SONG)

5. Mesmerize, Faith Evans (SHE FINALLY IMPRESSES ME!)

6. Cool, Gwen Stefani (AWWW.... SO LOVABLE)

7. Lonely No More, Rob Thomas (EVERY GAY MAN'S FANTASY MAN)

8. Oh, Ciara (COOL BEAT)

9. Don't Cha, Pussycat Dolls (FAVORITE GRIND SONG)


Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Blogger Buddy Meatfest in Sin City

I admit it. I am pensive. Scott (Purpletwinkie) lives in Sin City. I'll be in that sinfully delightful city from Sept. 1st-5th. Donnell (McDoughall's Doodles) is flying in over the weekend by pure coincidence. So, after casual conversation with them, I do plan to meet each of them at some point. Hey, maybe we can recreate those blogger stick figure sex scenes??? Ha ha... JUST KIDDING!!! As much as that would be a HOOT, my boyfriend wouldn't be thrilled. Hmmm... maybe we can do a few gag photos for our blogger buddies? Hmmm.... my creative Gemini juices are flowing...

The big question is...what will they think of me? I am not 6ft 4, 220#'s of man muscle. I am a short fucker. (5'7") I am meaty, but what if they are assuming I am supposed to be BEEFIER? What if I am a disappointment? What if they chatter with their other blogger buddies that "He aint all that!" Hmmm.... What if they are not prepared to meet MR. ATTENTION WHORE. What will they think when I discover that everything revolves around Brett? Will they run away from the madness that is Brett? Hmmm.... so much anxiety over this meeting.

What will Scott be like? Will he wear his FAMOUS SHADES the entire time in the bar? Or will we get to see his eyes? What about Donnell? Will he say "ABOOT" for "ABOUT", end every sentence with an "Eh?", and have potty mouth Canadian humor like Terrence and Phillips from South Park?

How will my boyfriend react to meeting online bloggers? Will he freak out? Will he be NICE to my blogger buddies? Hmmm.... inquiring minds will find out next week! I will post many pics of my Las Vegas vacation each day. I'll bring my laptop and chronicle our vacation. You guys get to see me going from smiling on the first day after Joan Rivers at the Stardust and dancing my ass off at Rain at the Palms Casino to bringing out my pouty lip for the inevitable losing a few Benjamins over the course of the five days.

Typical Morning

My Dachshund's Boudreaux and Pierre meet and greet with the young colts.Boudreaux always guarding the perimeter of his backyard.
Gee Boudreaux... don't you remember being clocked by one of these creatures earlier this year?
This is the colt I call Fabio. This is Michael's favorite horse.
This is a typical morning. My dogs are barking up a storm at a turtle, a skunk or the horses. Today, Boudreaux and Pierre were barking at the horses. My roommate Sean has an instant alarm clock! My Dachshunds still smell SKUNKY, so I cringe everytime they bark because I worry that the baby skunk has returned. Wouldn't that be awful?!?! I am still reeling from my babies smelling skunky.

Monday, August 22, 2005

A Call To Arms for the Democratic Party

This is a message to Hillary Clinton, John Kerry, Howard Dean, Nancy Pelosi, and all the other leaders of the Democratic Party.


May I suggest the following:

1. When referring to the War in Iraq, start calling it THE ILLEGAL WAR.


3. Always refer to President Bush simply as "Dubya". He does not deserve any more respect than that.

4. When referring to Karl Rove, call him "Benedict Arnold" or "The Treasoner".

5. When talking about Republicans, just call them "The Dubya Dumbasses".

Friday, August 19, 2005

Baby Skunk Attack!

OH MY GOD!!! As soon as I parked my Pathfinder under my carpart, I noticed my dogs barking insanely at something in their backyard. I knew something was VERY WRONG. I had dress clothes on, but I didn't give a fuck. I had that motherly instinct to rescue my dogs NO MATTER WHAT.

I ran as fast as I could to the rain soaked backyard. They were barking at a black shadow crouching near the house. I feared it was a giant snake. I didn't care if it was a fucking cobra, I was going to rescue them! To my horror, it was a baby skunk with a tail taller than it's whole body. I could see a little pink asshole under that threatening tail.

OH FUCK! My dogs were relentlessly barking only two inches away from the baby skunk. I could smell the stench from a skunk spray. They were rubbing their noses in the grass. I scooped them up and ran the fuck out of there! My little Daschunds were trying to wiggle free to continue the fight, but I wasn't having ANY OF THAT! I threw them in the tub, and poured oodles of oatmeal shampoo on them. I first tried to use a plastic glove, but then I took it off. I didn't care about me. I just wanted to save my babies from that awful stench.

I toweled them off and it still stunk to high heaven! Thank God my boyfriend never made those Bloody Marys in the fridge! He had left a pitcher of tomato juice in the fridge. I put them back in the tub and washed them with tomato juice. It was cold. Pierre fought me the entire time. This was the worst bath he had ever gotten... cold tomato juice. Boudreaux just stood there and let Daddy do whatever he wanted with that cold tomato juice. (Boudreaux is my trooper) After letting it soak in for a while, I finally washed them off again.

Did it work? Well....now they smell skunkish and tomatoey. GREEEAAAAAT! Just what I needed. I was so concerned about my dogs, I didn't care whether the scent got on me. God help me if I smell like a skunk too! I am due at a poker game in an hour!ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! It'll be interesting if people start wrinkling their noses at me tonight! !!!!!

Thursday, August 18, 2005


I just love those words "HARD" and "GRINDING". WOOF! Especially after I pushed myself to the extreme and broke through more thresholds. I am benching more than ever. My legs and my hard ass are built like the caliber of a soccer player. I can pull my entire body all the way up for at least 30 reps. At 175#'s that used to be hard to do. But not now. I am one strong motherfucker! Pity the poor redneck Republican that starts shit with me over my Anti Dubya bumperstickers. I will fucking knock your silly ass out. Grrrr.... STRENGTH IS GOOD. POWER IS AWESOME. I AM ONE STRONG POWERFUL BUCKING BRONC TODAY. FUCK WITH ME AND I AM TAKING YOUR ASS DOWN FUCKER! (do I sound like Gock today?)

I feel like grinding to the Pussycat Dolls...

I know you like me (I know you like me)

I know you do (I know you do)

Thats why whenever I come around She's all over you (she's all over you)

I know you want it (I know you want it)

It's easy to see (it's easy to see)

And in the back of your mind I know you should be fucking me (babe)

[refrain:]Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?

Don't cha Don't cha Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?

Don't cha Don't cha

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

What Kind of Dog am I

What Dog Are You link. I was collared by Pookie. Thanks! I had fun answering the various questions about my personality and other traits to come up with what kind of dog would I be. THANKS POOKIE! I wouldn't have been surprised had a Dachshund came up, but I am really another dog. I am... DRUM ROLL PLEASE....

My results:

Welsh Springer Spaniel


UK. Developed around 1900 as a natural flushing spaniel but thought to have descended from red and white dogs of pre - Roman times when the Gauls entered Wales. The 13th century Laws of Wales mention a forerunner to the Welsh Springer Spaniel.


A loyal and hardworking gun dog that is excellent at swimming and sniffing. Generally a jock of a dog, preferring the company of men with guns (I guess that means BIG DICKS in my world), but under certain circumstances will make a perfectly contented domestic animal (partner?).

Monday, August 15, 2005

It pays to be nice to everyone ...

This morning, I got pulled over by a policeman for going 35mph in a school zone. To my horror, this police officer was the same one that pulled me over earlier this year for having an expired inspection sticker on my car. He let me off last time with a "warning ticket". Would he be so kind this time? He remembered that incident. He said, "I was very nice to you earlier this year wasn't I?" I smiled and said "Yes, Stephen, you were very nice and I did appreciate only getting a warning ticket. See... (as I pointed) I did get my inspection sticker renewed." I ended up getting another "warning ticket" for this speeding incident. See... I knew Stephen when we were together in elementary and high school. I was always nice and polite to him as we were in many Honor classes together. He asked if I was doing "all right". I knew I was out the speeding ticket. I replied with a smile and said "I am doing fine." Ahhhh... it always pays to be nice to everyone. Even in your childhood.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Personal Day for Brett

I haven't taken time off since the first week of February. There was that time I left work around noon about a month ago because I wasn't feeling well. I was wickedly docked for 4 hours because we do not get paid for sick time.

Well, I just got paid. I can't honestly remember the last time I had a wonderful meal at a fine dining establishment. I can't remember the last time I got a great massage. I can't remember the last time I felt appreciated here. I can't remember the last time I pampered myself. I can't remember the last time I indulged in any guilty pleasure.

You know what? I owe it to myself. I think I'll take off half the day and give myself some Personal Time off. I may be broke. But dammit, I am going to spoil the greatest person in the world today. I deserve it.

It's 5am...

It's 5am and I can't sleep anymore. I am hard as a rock, but I dare not touch my insomniac boyfriend lest I want an elbow to a rib. As much as I would love to HUMP his leg right now, I dare not. Since I am fully awake with a sprung woody, should I just leave him here and go to the gym? I wait and wait and wait... it is now 6:30am and the BF is still comatose in his slumber. I have just enough time to go to the gym and get that grueling upper body workout in. So, that's what I am going to do.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Feels so good....

Last night I tucked Boudreaux between my left arm and my body, then I tucked Jean Pierre in my right arm next to my body. It felt so good to have my two cherished dogs sleeping next to me. I woke up this morning and they were still sound asleep in Daddies arms. Awww.... feels so good.

I had the urge to skip the gym, but I decided that 25 minutes was enough to have a good workout. Sure enough, I completed 5 different exercises. I went up on the pec dec from 180#'s to 200#'s. This was the first time I have ever done this much weight on the pec deck machine. I patted myself on the back. I did dips slow and all the way from the floor to the very top. I could feel a nice stretch in my back muscles. I left the gym this morning feeling good.

I am on the way to feeling good. Just me and my Dachshunds are all I really need. When they are in my arms, I don't have to worry about work or any of the day's stresses. It is all about a man and his best friends being there for each other and loving unconditionally.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Today is the Day I Stop Being a Pussy....

I have had enough of my Pity Party to last me a lifetime! I hate when I get in a selfloathing and whiney mood. This week, I am taking charge and getting back to my old self. I will be like Bradley Cooper from "The Wedding Crashers". His character plays a jerky boyfriend that is full of testosterone. In a friendly football game he knocks Vince Vaughn's character on his ass repeatedly. He even has a bad enough temper to tell his fiance to "get your fucking ass back up there!" during a church wedding. Yes... it's time for me to be that testosterone bad ass again.

This means that I am back in the gym everyday...and back to spinning class. I used to have washboard abs and a flat stomach when I was gung ho (being a ho). Now I am ready to be that jock again. I am ready to take the bull by the horns and change whatever I don't like in my life.

It's time for me to PUT UP or SHUT UP! (kinda like I tell my boyfriend sometimes... PUT OUT OR GET OUT). If I am unhappy with how my life is going, only I can do something about it. I am ready to put my shit-kicking boots on, kick ass and ask questions later.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

One Poor Bastard's Challenge

$175 in Eight Days. That is how much I have to live on until my next paycheck. I am going to start keep track of the money I have until my next paycheck. I am doing this to stay focused on WHY I MUST GET A BETTER JOB. This is not a cry for help. If I can't get by on $175 for eight days, then I am truly one spoiled American. Before anyone entertains the idea of trying to send me money, DON'T DO IT! That will only make me personally show up at your doorstep, tear up the check in a million pieces, and make you eat it. (BEFORE I put duct tape around your mouth and fuck the hell out of you for not listening!!!)

This starts my daily log. Let's call it "One Poor Bastard's Challenge". Will we learn something from this? Who knows? Let's see where it takes us.
August 3, 2005

Starting money: $175
Quaker Instant Oatmeal
(no cost, already in cupboard)
-$1 Diet Dr. Pepper
& Cheese crackers
-$36.68 Fuel

-$4.25 Oh Yeah! Protein Bar
Bottled Water
$133.07 Remaining Balance

Dinner Time: Michael buys some meat at the store and we cook with stuff I already have. What a HUGE meal! That'll save some money tonight.

August 4, 2005
- $1 Diet Dr. Pepper and Cheese Crackers (again!)
$132.07 Remaining Balance
-$12.27 32 Oz. Smoothie King (lunch)
Hi Protein Pineapple w/ muscle builder
Oh Yeah! Protein Bar (3 pm snack)
$120.80 Remaining Balance

Spaghetti for dinner. Wow. This crap is SO cheap. I had this in my pantry. No additional expenditures! Woohoo!

August 5, 2005
- 5.50 Pizza
- 8.80 Fresh Salad Whole Foods
$106.50 Remaining Balance
- 10.00 Poker Entry
+ 20.00 Poker Win (3rd Place)
$116.50 Remaining Balance

August 6, 2005
- $14.50 Frank's Smokehouse (Lunch)
- $12.00 Grocery Store & Cooked Dinner
- $17.50 5 Powerball Tickets, Ice Cream
Afrin, and Dishwasher Liquid
$72.50 Remaining Balance

August 7, 2005
72.50 Remaining Balance

-5.00 Movie Tickets (Wedding Crashers)
-5.80 Large Coke & Reeces Cups
- 2.58 Dinner Rolls
Ate Leftovers
59.12 Remaining Balance

August 8, 2005

- 0.00 Quaker Instant Oatmeal
- 8.00 Cheeseburger and Fries
- 0.00 Left Overs
51.12 Remaining Balance

Friday Night Poker Tournament

On Friday night, Michael and I were invited to a local neighborhood poker tournament by a friend of mine John, who hosted the event at his house. I called my brother up and asked if we could borrow some plastic chairs because we were told there were going to be more people than chairs tonight. He immediately wanted to come along too. His wife found out about it, and she wasn't about to be excluded! They are poker fanatics and play every Wednesday night locally in Gonzales. So, we brought my brother Bart and his wife to the tournament.

I was a little pensive. Was Bart prepared for my friend John? John acts very professional during the day as an attorney. However, in a bar setting, he can get LOUD, FRISKY and DISH HIS PERSONALITY ALL OVER ANYBODY AND EVERYBODY. I was like "hmmm... would my brother be frightened away?" So, I strategically warned John not to try to hug Bart because he was homophobic. (something about have a twin brother who is gay makes him squirm with any kind of male bonding) I didn't know whether John hugged up on his straight guy friends that played poker, but my brother isn't one of those straight guys that are completely comfortable with his sexuality. (another blog post someday) I did know that there were going to be lots of drinks flowing at his place. And when John drinks, let's just say his flame shines VERY BRIGHT. (don't kill me John!)Thank goodness John reassured that he wasn't going to be as huggy feely as he is in the bars, so that shouldn't be an issue. Whew!

We arrived and found that there were 18 people at John's house. This had to be the most people he has ever had over to play poker. They play a strange style of poker where whoever has the most chips after 45 minutes win the game. They play 3-4 games on a typical night. We were going to shake things up a bit. We were going to play a winner take all style where you get eliminated after you lose all your chips. There was going to be no timed play. The regulars were nervous about how we were going to play, but they were excited about the new format. Hey, we were just playing a typical poker tournament. I don't know anybody that played poker the way they did! But I give them credit for going along for the ride. They were excited. Everyone could feel the energy in the air with triple the normal attendance.

Because of the large number of people, we divided up the people at two tables. We had to draw cards to see who played where. My brother's wife and I drew "clubs", so we sat together at a large dining room table. Bart and Michael (my BF) drew "hearts", so they sat at a table in the living room with the host John.

The rules were set to where you pay $10 to buy $10,000 worth of chips. If you go bust before an hour is up, you have one more chance to buy in for another $10.00. We were going to award 10% for Third Place , 30% for Second Place, and 60% for First Place.

When play started, I won the first 4 games at my table. The women at my table were ready to claw my eyes out. (Especially this woman named Thaia) I smirked and enjoyed my new notoriety at the table. I slowly began to accumulate all the green chips ($5,000). One by one, I knocked out all of John's friends at my table. I had BALLS OF STEEL. Poor lil folks. Many times, I was bluffing, and they had no clue. Other times when I was the chip leader, I used my huge advantage of chips to muscle those PO FOLKS out the game. :)

The most thrilling moment came when I went head to head with the RESIDENT BITCH, Thaia, who I surmised as a skilled poker player. She had two pair, while I was working on a straight with a pair of Queens. I kept raising the pot to get her to chicken out and fold. THAT DIDN'T WORK!!! She said suddenly, "ALL IN!" I was like, "OH NO BITCH. I PUT TOO MANY DAMN CHIPS IN THAT POT. WE ARE GOING TO WAR!" So, I call "All In" too. We flip our cards over. She has two pair. I only have a Queen and a four in my hand. On the board lay an Ace, 3, 5 and a Queen. I need a two or a Queen to beat this cunt. Everyone rose up from the table to see the final card drawn on the "River". I start chanting "QUEEN, TWO, QUEEN, TWO, QUEEN, TWO". The final card was flipped... and it was a TWO! I had a straight!!! I started screaming like a little girl. I embarrassed my sister-in-law AND my brother sitting at the other table. I couldn't help it! I was almost eliminated by the biggest bitch in the house, and I BEAT HER!!! She gave me the biggest go to hell look and left the table with her head tucked under her legs. HA HA!!

We played for another hour until enough people were eliminated to where we could have everyone on just one table. In the end, my sister-in-law, my brother and I made it to the final table with five other players. Michael and John had been out of play. Poor Michael, the boy cannot bluff or hide his emotions when playing poker. You can tell everytime he had a great hand because he couldn't stop smiling. His undoing was having pocket Ace's or Kings, raising big, and LOSING. How unlucky can you be when you can't win with two Aces or two Kings right off the bat?

My sister-in-law went down in flames at the final table. She just couldn't catch a great hand. I had a monsterous pile of green chips. I had more than anyone else. The final three was me, my brother, and a player named Terry. This guy was attractive, but I swear to God he must have been stoned. As soon as he showed up at John's house, he had that groovy attitude like he had smoked a joint before coming over. As a result, I couldn't use ANY TRICKS to get the bastard to fold. Whenever I bluffed, he would match my bet! Whenever we went head to head, he wouldn't have shit and would miraculously catch a lucky card on the River and beat my ass. My chip pile of green was going down because of this stoned groovy dude!

There was a funny moment between my brother and I at one point, I raised the pot $12,000. My brother was so pissed that I raised the stakes so high, he yelled out "FAGGOT!" without thinking. Everyone at the table laughed there asses off because they knew I was gay. Michael was HORRIFIED. I gave my brother a quick look like "I can't believe you just called me that!" He quickly apologized and said it was an accident. Then he went on to explain that it is a common thing he says to his co-workers when they play a poker game and they beat him. He felt bad and apologized. We all laughed about it on the ride back home.

In the end, I was muscled out by my own brother. I had two Aces, and he beat me with two Kings and a pair of 4's. I had ended up in 3rd place out of 18 people. That won me my entry fee back ($10) plus a $10 win. Woohoo! This was a positive cash flow moment!

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Good Loving in the Country is Still Free

My boyfriend Michael came over last night. We played tennis for about an hour and a half, before we arrived at the house in the country. I was planning on cooking an artichoke casserole with olive oil, bread crumbs, quartered artichoke hearts, and parmesan cheese. I had all that in my pantry. No need to spend any money for dinner. However, Michael stopped at the store and bought some fabulous italian sausage, bright red bell peppers, an onion,a clove of garlic, and a pack of thigh meat. Yeah, thigh meat is cheaper than breasts, but we have switched to that lately because it tastes better than white meat. (talking about food only)

The italian sausage was chopped up, vegetables were diced, and the thighs were browned in a skillet. All this was put in the oven to bake together for a short time. I already had two bottles of red wine, which we opened for the gourmet meal. The taste of the meal was excellent. Flavor exploded in my mouth (still talking about food only). So, for $9.46 we had this incredible meal! And the best part... I didn't have to spend a dime!

We go to bed, and I make an honest "woman" out of him. Ahhh.... sweet... a wonderful meal and good country loving. Some of the best things in life are still free.