On Friday night, Michael and I were invited to a local neighborhood poker tournament by a friend of mine John, who hosted the event at his house. I called my brother up and asked if we could borrow some plastic chairs because we were told there were going to be more people than chairs tonight. He immediately wanted to come along too. His wife found out about it, and she wasn't about to be excluded! They are poker fanatics and play every Wednesday night locally in Gonzales. So, we brought my brother Bart and his wife to the tournament.
I was a little pensive. Was Bart prepared for my friend John? John acts very professional during the day as an attorney. However, in a bar setting, he can get LOUD, FRISKY and DISH HIS PERSONALITY ALL OVER ANYBODY AND EVERYBODY. I was like "hmmm... would my brother be frightened away?" So, I strategically warned John not to try to hug Bart because he was homophobic. (something about have a twin brother who is gay makes him squirm with any kind of male bonding) I didn't know whether John hugged up on his straight guy friends that played poker, but my brother isn't one of those straight guys that are completely comfortable with his sexuality. (another blog post someday) I did know that there were going to be lots of drinks flowing at his place. And when John drinks, let's just say his flame shines VERY BRIGHT. (don't kill me John!)Thank goodness John reassured that he wasn't going to be as huggy feely as he is in the bars, so that shouldn't be an issue. Whew!
We arrived and found that there were 18 people at John's house. This had to be the most people he has ever had over to play poker. They play a strange style of poker where whoever has the most chips after 45 minutes win the game. They play 3-4 games on a typical night. We were going to shake things up a bit. We were going to play a winner take all style where you get eliminated after you lose all your chips. There was going to be no timed play. The regulars were nervous about how we were going to play, but they were excited about the new format. Hey, we were just playing a typical poker tournament. I don't know anybody that played poker the way they did! But I give them credit for going along for the ride. They were excited. Everyone could feel the energy in the air with triple the normal attendance.
Because of the large number of people, we divided up the people at two tables. We had to draw cards to see who played where. My brother's wife and I drew "clubs", so we sat together at a large dining room table. Bart and Michael (my BF) drew "hearts", so they sat at a table in the living room with the host John.
The rules were set to where you pay $10 to buy $10,000 worth of chips. If you go bust before an hour is up, you have one more chance to buy in for another $10.00. We were going to award 10% for Third Place , 30% for Second Place, and 60% for First Place.
When play started, I won the first 4 games at my table. The women at my table were ready to claw my eyes out. (Especially this woman named Thaia) I smirked and enjoyed my new notoriety at the table. I slowly began to accumulate all the green chips ($5,000). One by one, I knocked out all of John's friends at my table. I had BALLS OF STEEL. Poor lil folks. Many times, I was bluffing, and they had no clue. Other times when I was the chip leader, I used my huge advantage of chips to muscle those PO FOLKS out the game. :)
The most thrilling moment came when I went head to head with the RESIDENT BITCH, Thaia, who I surmised as a skilled poker player. She had two pair, while I was working on a straight with a pair of Queens. I kept raising the pot to get her to chicken out and fold. THAT DIDN'T WORK!!! She said suddenly, "ALL IN!" I was like, "OH NO BITCH. I PUT TOO MANY DAMN CHIPS IN THAT POT. WE ARE GOING TO WAR!" So, I call "All In" too. We flip our cards over. She has two pair. I only have a Queen and a four in my hand. On the board lay an Ace, 3, 5 and a Queen. I need a two or a Queen to beat this cunt. Everyone rose up from the table to see the final card drawn on the "River". I start chanting "QUEEN, TWO, QUEEN, TWO, QUEEN, TWO". The final card was flipped... and it was a TWO! I had a straight!!! I started screaming like a little girl. I embarrassed my sister-in-law AND my brother sitting at the other table. I couldn't help it! I was almost eliminated by the biggest bitch in the house, and I BEAT HER!!! She gave me the biggest go to hell look and left the table with her head tucked under her legs. HA HA!!
We played for another hour until enough people were eliminated to where we could have everyone on just one table. In the end, my sister-in-law, my brother and I made it to the final table with five other players. Michael and John had been out of play. Poor Michael, the boy cannot bluff or hide his emotions when playing poker. You can tell everytime he had a great hand because he couldn't stop smiling. His undoing was having pocket Ace's or Kings, raising big, and LOSING. How unlucky can you be when you can't win with two Aces or two Kings right off the bat?
My sister-in-law went down in flames at the final table. She just couldn't catch a great hand. I had a monsterous pile of green chips. I had more than anyone else. The final three was me, my brother, and a player named Terry. This guy was attractive, but I swear to God he must have been stoned. As soon as he showed up at John's house, he had that groovy attitude like he had smoked a joint before coming over. As a result, I couldn't use ANY TRICKS to get the bastard to fold. Whenever I bluffed, he would match my bet! Whenever we went head to head, he wouldn't have shit and would miraculously catch a lucky card on the River and beat my ass. My chip pile of green was going down because of this stoned groovy dude!
There was a funny moment between my brother and I at one point, I raised the pot $12,000. My brother was so pissed that I raised the stakes so high, he yelled out "FAGGOT!" without thinking. Everyone at the table laughed there asses off because they knew I was gay. Michael was HORRIFIED. I gave my brother a quick look like "I can't believe you just called me that!" He quickly apologized and said it was an accident. Then he went on to explain that it is a common thing he says to his co-workers when they play a poker game and they beat him. He felt bad and apologized. We all laughed about it on the ride back home.
In the end, I was muscled out by my own brother. I had two Aces, and he beat me with two Kings and a pair of 4's. I had ended up in 3rd place out of 18 people. That won me my entry fee back ($10) plus a $10 win. Woohoo! This was a positive cash flow moment!