Saturday, July 23, 2005

Testosterone Saturday

What a testosterone fueled day! I worked out hard at the gym. I got into the LSU Football spirit 42 days early. I played tennis with my arch nemesis (my twin brother) for 2 1/2 hours. (I won 6-2, 7-6) And now I am getting ready to go dance my ASS off at Splash in Baton Rouge!

Countdown: 42 More Days!!!

In 42 more days, the LSU Tigers kick off their football season! I can't wait! As an LSU Alumni, I have two season tickets to every home football game. What an awesome feeling it is to be among the 92,000 LSU Tiger fans with the Golden Band from Tigerland. We have the most respected and LOUDEST band in the country. Our fans are the rowdiest and most passionate. And yes, I do fantasize about being a Golden Girl. They have FIERCE outfits (I love the gloves) and they dance with synchronized movements the whole game. These Southern girls make the ones from up North look like dogs. There is no comparison. A Penn State or Ohio State cheerleader is going to look awfully homely compared to these Debutants! Thank God for beauty pageants in the South! GEAUX TIGERS!!!! FORTY TWO MORE DAYS!!!!

Thursday, July 21, 2005

1st Annual Brettcajun Blogger Awards!

The Bree Van De Kamp Award

BuffTuff wins this category. Of all my favorite bloggers, Buff is the one that most emulates Bree Van De Kamp. He is always filled with suggestions to do just about anything. You can just imagine Buff ringing your doorbell and greeting you with a basket of warm muffins. He will promptly tell you how special those muffins are, how he made it, and that he needs his basket back in a few days.

The Attention Whore Award

This is one award that all you bitches qualify for! BUT... I must painfully narrow it down to a few choice contenders. The field is SO WIDE... this is too hard to pick the candidates. I finally settled on: Scotty, Vince, E-Brechi, BFLJock79, and Brettcajun. (If I didn't include myself, I know you bitches would riot and call for my HEAD!) After much careful consideration with fairness in mind.... DRUM ROLL PLEASE... the winner is.... Brettcajun! ME ME ME... I WON! I WON! I am THE ATTENTION WHORE!!! I WON SOMETHING! YES! I REALLY DO LOVE ME! I LOVE ME! I DO ! I DO! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

The Drama Queen Award

Someone is SHITTING right now. You KNOW who you are! I am going to have to nominate Sean (Defect Effect) for getting so fed up with his local friends he deleted his whole damned blog! What balls and gusto you have there my friend! Also, AtlSingleMan, who will hunt you down and pester you into eternity if you don't dare return his emails or IMs. But I have to award this prize to the one blogger who so most richly DESERVES it. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. You live and breathe drama. YOU ARE THE DRAMA QUEEN! The winner of The Drama Queen Award is... SCOTTY!

Writer's Cramp Award

The nomination for these awards are as follows: Shaun , BitterBull, Sean (Defect Effect) and GeekSlut. The hands down winner of this award would have to be Bitter Bull. Danny writes about once a month (like a period), but it is always an excellent job when he does. So congratulations Danny! Let's hope you start posting more regularly so I'll stop getting asked why I have such a DEAD link on my site!

The Chatty Cathy Award
This is a fiercely competitive field. If you get ANY of these guys at a dinner table, they will probably dominate the conversation and be an expert at EVERYTHING. These are the few individuals who would have NO PROBLEM writing War and Peace, The Illiad, or Encylopedia Britannica. In other words, they have no problem talking about everything and anything. The day you click on their blog and do not see any new post whatsoever, you can't help but wonder if they croaked. The winners of the Chatty Cathy Award are (can't pick just one):
Vince, Jim, Scotty, Paul (Bedtime Stories) and BFLJock79 .

Willpower Award

These are the guys that deserve our respect for busting ass during the week to get more fit. They are always tirelessly working out with that goal of having an awesome body someday:
Beast, BFLJock79, Donnell.

Hmmm... will Scotty or AtlSingleMan make this list next time? You two just might if you get off your butts! Or doI have to personally show up and bring ya'll kicking and screaming to the gym? Hmm.... TRY ME... I will be on your ass like stink on shit!

The Teddy Bear Award
This goes to the three sweetest bloggers I know. These guys don't get nearly as much traffic as they DESERVE, but they are the most kindest teddy bears: Donnell, Adam and Don. I encourage all of you readers to check out their sites sometimes. You will not meet nicer gentleman! These Bears always have something great to say and they are wonderful guys. Aint nothing like a nice Teddy Bear to snuggle up next to on a cold winter night! Too bad it is hot as hell!

Road Rage Award

The hands down winner of this award is: Sean (Defect Effect). I pity the fool that comes up to Sean after a multicar accident! From his woefully long commutes every morning and every afternoon, he'll snap pictures of himself and show a not so happy driver. Don't mess with Sean! He'll get his crowbar after your ass! :)

Most Likely to be the Villain from The Incredibles

He is going to absolutely unequivocally KILL ME for this! But it would have to be AtlSingleMan. If any one person would get SO FIRED UP about not being able to join a team (or you link his blog), it would be this fella. He will use all his expertise to build an evil getaway on a secluded island, seek revenge on those that wronged him, and try to kill all the other super heros so he can be the only one! (kinda like being a blog counter whore)

The Blogger Who Most Resembles the Gardener Hunk from Desperate Housewives

I pretty much have to bitch slap Scotty because he is hot on this guy's tail. Admit it! Ah ha! Scotty and I have VERY similar tastes. That DRAMA QUEEN is on every boy's site that I lust after! BIATCH... you betta get back! Ha ha... Just kidding.... (not really) Ha ha. It is Matthew! You most resemble that hot gardener that Gabrielle boinks while her husband is away! Do you want to be my yardboy? I am sure Scotty would love a boy that mows his lawn AND pleasures him constantly!

The Evil Genius Award

The hands down winner of this award is my boyfriend Michael. This guy IS Plankton from Sponge Bob! He plots to turn the imbeciles at Bikini Bottom into robots and rule the world! When he gets in these moods, I throw him on the bed and show him who's boss.

The Doggie Owner of the Year Award

This award is shared by: Don, Sean (Defect Effect), and Brettcajun! If there are any of you out there that I have left off, I sincerely apologize. A dog is man's best friend. I love my children! (Boudreaux and Pierre) If I left you out, tell me about your dogs!

The Who I Want to Sleep With Award

I dare not say WHO because my Evil Genius Boyfriend will kick my ass. Those darn boyfriends! The picture to the left is a HINT of what I get weak in the knees for. I LOVE facial hair and beefy Daddy types. Look like him, and I am all yours! COUGH.... I mean I am all yours NEXT LIFETIME. Yeah, that's what I really meant! ;)

The Felicity Award

I named this award after the defunct WB show "Felicity". It was about a girl that went to high school in California and had a crush on this football STUD named Ben. After four years in school together, she finally talks to him for the first time after their graduation! She takes the chance and asks him to sign her yearbook. He writes in her yearbook that he regretted that he never had the chance to get to know her and wished her luck in her future. She asks him where he was going to college... he say's "NYU". On that whim, she decided to do something crazy and go to NYU too! They eventually became great friends. This award goes to the bloggers that I haven't had a chance to get to know personally as much as I would like to. These are: Purple Twinkie, N2Deep, E-Brechi, Pookie, Matt , Beast and Adam.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Losing My Ass in Poker...

Well, I did NOT want to play poker tonight. BUT, my brother and my sister-in-law BEGGED me to play tonight at our family camp. We had 24 players over. Each bought $10,000 worth of chips for $20.00. You could re-buy another $10,000 worth of chips if you lose out before two hours are up. Well, I started off VERY STRONG. I had impressive FLUSHES with the NUT (Ace) and shoved one poor sap out the game twice. I suddenly had $40,000 in chips! Then I stopped getting the good cards. I eventually had to move to another table (to balance the number of players at each table). BIG MISTAKE. That crazy table had some psycho's that threw around green $5,000 chips like they were nothing. I was out within 10 minutes of moving to that table. I bought in for another $20. Ten minutes later, I was out again. I left with my head hung down in shame. My Sister-In-Law had been long gone. My twin brother was still playing and was stunned at my quick reversal of fortunes. I was some embarrassed! So, I lost my ass tonight... and not in a GOOD WAY. :(

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Colts are growing up!


Have you ever had such an incredible workout where your arms were SO SWOLLEN you couldn't even reach back and scratch the back of your head? This happened to me this morning! I felt like I had balloons for arms. I struggled to take off my tight sweaty Old Navy shirt because my arms would not bend enough for me to pull it off of me. I was like WHAT THE FUCK!? It was pretty cool to think that I worked my arms so hard that I rendered them useless. In the shower, I could not wash the back of my neck! What was I going to do??? I was going to have to call one of those big muscle boys in the locker room to jump in my shower, get behind me, and wash my neck! Fortunately for my boyfriend, I managed to wash the other bulging body parts until FINALLY I could just barely reach that spot behind my neck. After 8 full minutes, I could bend my arms just far enough to barely reach every spot. Whew!

NOTE TO MUSCLEBEAST: I still want bigger guns for biceps. However, I did notice today that I really do have decent biceps. The trouble is that my large shoulders dwarf my biceps. Most muscle guys I know personally appear to have bigger biceps because they don't have the shoulders I do. So, I think my criticism of my own biceps is purely a result of my beefy shoulders.

NOTE TO OTHER BLOGGERS: Is this yet another attempt by Brett to blow hot air up his skirt? You betcha! Ha ha... just kidding! I am very self critical of myself in the gym, so please don't take this post as an example of how full of myself I am. I lost my abs and I haven't done shit for Spinning in over 6 weeks. I have a lot of work to do to get back to where I was! So, please forgive me if this just smacks of narcissism! Yes, I am vain. What's so wrong about wanting to be beefy enough to where you walk in a room and every poor sap's tongue falls to the floor???

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Evil Twin vs. Good Twin

I can't blog about this tennis tournament. My twin brother has lost some poundage, and has apparently been getting excellent tennis lessons. He returned about 95% of my slams across the net. WHO IS THIS GUY?!?! No more sending swift shots across the courts to make "Fatty" run. He was getting everything I threw at him! We were mirror images of each other slugging it out for every point. I won the first set 6-4. Then my brother won 6-0 on the second set. We never played the third set because we were too exhausted from the unforgiving SUN and playing our mirror images. The end result was that my twin brother had won 4 more games than I did. He gloated. My father called me the next day to rib me about it. Grrrr.....

Friday, July 15, 2005

Mama teaches me a lesson...

Shortly after I posted my "God, I feel poor..." blogpost with my Pug mascot, my mother comes by to give me a little lesson in life. I had two very large fig trees in Boudreaux and Pierre's backyard. I had mostly ignored the fig trees. All they did was get in my way when I was mowing the backyard. I grumbled how huge they were, because I could hardly squeeze past them.

Well, Mama and I picked about 300 figs this afternoon. Mom tells me that she had picked the same amount yesterday, and the same amount the day before that. There must be thousands of figs left to be picked in the next two weeks! Suddenly, a moment of clarity came to me. There was plenty enough figs to feed my Mama, Grandma, and my whole family. Wow. Here are two fruit trees grown magnificiently by God's hands feeding the whole family, and I had all but ignored them. Funny how fig trees can help teach you a lesson.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Animal Farm at the White House

Karl Rove has been fingered as the traitor that leaked information on CIA spy Valerie Plame. This was maliciously done to silence a critic and retaliate against those raising concerns for the march to war built on WHITE HOUSE LIES. Our President promised to FIRE anyone in his Administration that knowingly outed a CIA spy. Do you think Dubya will actually fire Karl Rove? Not a snowball's chance in hell! This White House has broken every rule dealing with good governance. Does anyone get the sense that this White House is destructing like the PIGS did in George Orwell's "Animal Farm"??

Being proud to be an American right now is very hard on me with our current White House Administration. I have never known a more dishonest one. They have invaded Iraq because of phony "Weapons of Mass Destruction" propaganda. Do you remember the reports that our troops would have to wear gas masks as they approached a circle around the Republican Guard? THAT WAS MADE UP BULLSHIT!!! And every JOE believed it! When none of this propaganda was proven, they then tried to sell the idea that getting rid of Saddam Hussein was a good idea anyway because he was a bad guy. Let's see: Saddam did nasty things to those who opposed him, gassed the Kurds, warred with Iran, invaded Kuwait, and lodged Scud missiles at Israel and Saudi Arabia.

What has Bush done???? He has invaded a sovereign nation. On his hands, is the blood and misery of HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of innocent Iraqis who have died. Dubya has caused the death of 100,000 Iraqis!!! Hitler would be impressed. Dubya is also responsible for AT LEAST 4,076 U.S. troop deaths. But they are lying... it is a LOT MORE. Another cover up to thwart public opposition to the illegal war. Halliburton is getting hundreds of billions of dollars for a SCREWED UP MESS. ExxonMobil will profit handsomely from the war. A barrel of oil is $62. But this wonderful Administration thinks they deserve more. I now have such a low opinion of the honesty coming out of our leaders in Washington D. C., I wouldn't be surprised one IOTA if Dubya instructed the CIA to setoff the bombs in London. It is not too farfetched to believe that this Administration will do ANYTHING to change the perception of the world's angry citizens. Corrupt men do corrupt things. Isn't this sad that my level of trust with our President and Congress is so low that I can actually believe that?!?!

I say it is time to bring George Bush and Karl Rove to the World Court and answer to War Crimes. If they are holding Saddam Hussein captive and putting him on trial, why can't we hold Dubya and his Animal Farm Cronies to the same standards??? In my opinion, what the White House has done is nothing short of what individuals were charged with at the Nuremberg Trials after World War II. I say, it's time to storm the barn and carry away the SWINE that occupies 1600 Pennsylvannia Avenue.

NOTE TO GESTAPO: Please don't send the FBI to come investigate me and lock me up at Gitmo for exercising my First Amendment Rights. If you Blogger fans don't hear from me, I will be in a holding cell indefinitely with no justice and no rights to a fair trial. Oh, it's great to be an American right now!

Friday, July 08, 2005

GeekSlut Returns!

Well, I have looked forward to this day. GeekSlut has returned! The very first blog I have ever read was GeekSlut. I was blown away by this guy's stories and his bare honesty. My friends give me props for sharing my life with world on the internet, but no one compares to Stephen at GeekSlut. He'll tell you about all the action he gets in explicit detail. Major props to you Stephen. I have to admire a guy that really doesn't give a shit what other people think. Kudos to your brutal honesty! Now, stay off WARCRACK (Warcraft video game) and bring your wonderfulness back to the blog world so we can all enjoy your stories!

My Fatty Paw Tatty Dog

He doesn't look like it here, but Pierre really is overweight. He weighs 13 pounds. That is heavy for a miniature Dachshund. Picking him up feels like carrying a sack of potatoes. He is the poster child for what's wrong with America's youth. He lounges around all day and hardly exercises. But you know what? I love him anyway. He loves his Daddy unconditionally and he loves to give as many licks as you can tolerate. He is a real sweetheart and I wouldn't trade him for the world.

Daddy is always holding his babies in his arms. I have gotten my dogs so spoiled from always picking them up and giving them smooches. Now, they are always standing on their two hind legs trying to get Daddy to pick them up.

Me and Pugnacious will just have to get Happy!

This is my sister-in-law's dog. They named him "Ace". What a boring and generic name! Why can't straight people be creative? Ever the Gemini, I decided his name shall be... DRUM ROLL PLEASE... "Pugnacious the Pug Dog!". This is the most lovable little guy I have ever laid my eyes on. The fact that Pugnacious always LOOKS SAD is the kicker. You can't help but love a Pug! This little fella wrestled with my dog Boudreaux last weekend over and over again. That was a treat to watch, because Boudreaux has such a high energy level (like his Daddy). Pierre will wrestle with Boudreaux for about 1 minute before tiring out (he's a fatty paw-tatty).

When life gives you lemons, you just have to grab a Pug. They'll love you unconditionally and cheer you up. I have adopted Pugnacious the Pug Dog as my mascot to get out of my rut. Everytime I look at his sad face, I just have to crack up laughing. This is probably how I have looked all week! Ha ha! Well... though I have been walking around looking like a Pug, perhaps my ordeal isn't so bad afterall! Me and Pugnacious are on a mission... to GET HAPPY!

Monday, July 04, 2005

Desperina makes her debut!

B12 – Brett wows the crowd at George’s
Do you remember my blogpost about Desperina Beauty Pageant? Ambush Magazine's latest edition just came out: Ambush Magazine. You have to look at the index on the left all the way down under EXpose. You can find me in one picture (B12) under the red stick paparazzi/baton rouge section. There is also a picture of the winner and a story about the Daddy Contest under the hot tails of red stick section.
If you read the article about the Daddy Contest, the writer seems to be slamming the ones that entered the contest that were not true Daddies. Here is an excerpt from his article: "The one thing about a contest like this is that it pulls from the audience, and there are certain guys who can’t win, know they can’t win, but still get up and make fools of themselves in the name of having fun. I won’t call names here, but let’s face it. Some people need attention, and this is their way of getting it. They wouldn’t know a Big Daddy if one sat on their face!"
OUCH! HE MUST BE TALKING ABOUT ME AND A COUPLE OTHERS!!! HA HA!!! I have already emailed the author of that article to let him know that they begged me to be part of the contest because they were short of willing participants. For the record, I was the FIRST one to protest that "I AM NOT A DADDY!". They were desperate to have more guys participate, so they recruited the known ATTENTION WHORES (me and Freddy). If they hadn't, there would have been only three contestants! Freddy told me later that he thinks the author was totally ripping him because of a link with an Ex of his.
Besides, I added fun and YOUTH to the contest by carrying on like a spoiled Paris Hilton brat. Even though I was not a bona fide Daddy, I entertained the crowd. Which, wasn't this the whole point of the contest anyway? Hell, Michael and I are going to enjoy the $40 bar tab I WON from my 2nd place finish tonight for the 4th of July fireworks on the Mississippi River! So there!
Added Note: Last night at George's Place in Baton Rouge, we ran into the MC of the "Daddy Contest" and his husbear who was one of the judges. Unmercifully, they lit into me because I didn't want to enter the contest when I was informed you have to be shirtless. I thought I was going to look fat up there on stage, because I hadn't worked out in two weeks and had been pigging out at Taco Bell all week. These Bears gave me NO sympathy and was stabbing at my narcissism. Ha ha. I guess I deserve it. Well, I did find out that both of them work for the Sate of Louisiana and they actually only live 10 minutes away from me in my redneck Parish! Hooray! I am not the only gay man in Ascension Parish! The MC works in an IT Department, while the husbear actually has connections and the capacity to hire. When the MC told me it was his husband that I need to get to know better, I immediately start hugging up on him. If I am looking at changing jobs and working for the State of LA, this is my first rung on my way to the top! Hey, Eva Peron did it! Why not me?