Friday, May 27, 2005

My Dog Shit on Me...

Last night, I got home late after having dinner with an old friend. I folded and hung clothes, put the dishes away, and took the trash out to the road. It was 10pm, and I was ready for bed. I put Boudreaux and Pierre in the bed with me, as I usually do. Everything seemed fine. Suddenly, Boudreaux jumps up on my chest and is standing there licking me. This is unusual for him. Usually, Pierre will lick me incessantly just because he has that freaky fetish. Boudreaux licks you to say "hello Daddy... glad you are home!" But not at 10pm at night while we are in bed! I turned over so he would jump off of me. He was still standing up... he started licking my ear. I was like, "what's up with you Boudreaux... let Daddy sleep!" I get back on my back and here Boudreaux comes... standing on me again licking me some more. I pushed him off of me and muttered under my breath.

The next thing I knew, I heard this HORRIFIC biological disaster on my white goose down comforter. OH NO!!!! Boudreaux! Say it aint so!!!! Yes. It was so. On my pearly white fluffy comforter was a biological disaster. It was the remnants of the remains of a wonderful steak I had given Boudreaux the night before at a company picnic. I jumped up and quickly put my two dogs back outside. I wasn't taking anymore chances! Pierre can outeat Boudreaux anyday. If Boudreaux had a disaster, then Pierre certainly could too! I then filled my washing machine up with the goose down soiled comforter and prayed that the machine would wash something so enormous. Thank God it did! Dog poo on a bed you are sleeping in... ewwww..... not cool!

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Captain Chaos!

There is a person out there who I have termed "Captain Chaos". He creates CHAOS wherever he goes. It is his sort of way of running from his problems and never accepting any responsibility for his actions. If he doesn't keep running, he'll stop and all these broken friendships, broken promises, and broken things will catch up with him and pummel him to death. So, he thrives on self induced chaos. Always running. How very sad for this individual. One by one, friends are falling by the wayside. He is falling deeper down that hole. No one can save him at this point... but himself. I pray for this individual. I pray with all my heart he'll be able to catch a branch on the way down and grab on tight. I pray that he will brace himself on that branch. Reflect on what is happening. Start climbing up that hole... branch by branch. He has to search deep within himself and defeat his personal demons. He has to ask forgiveness, from himself, from others, and from God. If he ever does pull himself out of the hole, the friends he used to have would be there for him. I wish him the very best of luck in his journey. He'll always have a little piece of my heart. And that little piece right now is shining bright rooting for him to reach out and grab on tight to a branch.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005


I finally broke out of my funk and drove my ass to the gym at 6:30am this morning. This was only the second time in ten days that I have worked out. Why is it so tough to get back on track??? I did about 75% of my usual routine. It felt great to be lifting weights again since I have been MISSING IN ACTION. I have been feeling like one big lazy piece of shit. I could tell that my energy level has dropped and I now need more sleep as a consequence. I haven't played any tennis in over three weeks. I have not done one spinning class in 10 days. GOD HELP MY LAZY FUCKING SELF! What is worse is that I have been literally PIGGING OUT on Taco Bell Mexican Pizzas, Taco Supremes, Double Decker Taco Supremes, Taco Salad, Jack in the Box Bacon Cheeseburgers, Jack in the Box Seasoned Curly Fries and anything else fattening I can get my hands on. WHAT IN THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME??? GET BACK TO THE PROGRAM FATTY!!!!

Weekend I can't blog about...

Well, I had a very dramatic weekend that I can't blog about. I promised myself and my partner I wouldn't ever blog about our relationship. We had major relationship drama this weekend. It would make a funny blog article I am sure, but I can't talk about it! Let's just say somebody almost got their tail whipped Sunday... and it wasn't me! That's all I can say on the matter. We are all fine now... still together. Which is cool, because I do have a sexy boyfriend. I do love the feel of his skin. I do love our fiercely competitive tennis matches. I do love his self esteem and his nice physique.

Friday, May 20, 2005

Pulled over by Louisiana State Police...

I was at the Orpheum Theatre in New Orleans last night to watch the Louisiana Philharmonic Orchestra present Verdi's Requiem. It was a very nice program. I had only wished I hadn't drunk four beers at Oz and the Pub right before. I found out half way through the program that you CANNOT get up to go pee during a performance. So, I tried not to think about having to go. Thankfully, the program ended after an hour and a half... and it was a manageable situation for me.

Driving back this morning from New Orleans into work, I was going my usual 76 mph. I was over the Bonnet Carre Spillway bridge traveling as fast as all the other cars. There were two cars I was following that were going just as fast. Well, this very talented State Trooper had a radar gun and managed to catch all three of us.

He turned his lights on and proceeding to make his way towards us. I said, "Hmmm.... he certainly is not going to get me... I was following two other cars." So, I did the magical trick that always seems to work. I merge into the right lane to allow this state trooper to pass me. To my utter horror... he pulls up along the side of me and makes a motion for me to pull over. I hold my hands up and say "What for?". So, I am traveling... pissed off ... because I really didn't think I was going that fast. To my amazement, this State Trooper was able to get all three of us for speeding.

He told me he was going to write me up for traveling 76 in a 60 mph zone (I thought it was 70) and for traveling too close. I take issue with the traveling too close, because the cars in front of me all slammed on their brakes when they saw him. It only looked close because they stopped so fast... and I had to hurry and slow down. It was the State Trooper's fault we were so close in the end. Had he been in a donut shop like he was supposed to be, instead of pointing a laser at us, we wouldn't have traveled too close in the end!

Okay... I apologize about the donut shop reference. I just really really hate getting speeding tickets. I haven't gotten one in a very long time, so I suppose I was due. I just have a problem with the principle of it. It is only a mechanism to support our courts. It serves no other purpose but to be yet another TAX on the poor souls of America. I mean... it is not like I was going 100 mph!

So, this wasn't a great way to start my Friday and it has already put a damper on my weekend. It is for this reason, whenever a trooper calls me at home to solicit a donation for the State Troopers Association, I abruptly tell them, "NO... I have gotten speeding tickets from State Troopers... I am not contributing to your organization." I know it is not their fault. They are just doing their jobs. But I am sorry... it is bullshit to ticket people going 76 mph on a major interstate to give the local redneck judge hundreds of dollars to support his court room.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

I can't play poker...

Last night on a whim, I decided to play poker with my brother, sister-in-law and their 30+ friends for the weekly poker tournament. They go every Wednesday to a place near where I work. They always call me to come play, but I always had an excuse. Since I was very bored and I didn't feel like hitting the gym, I decided I would finally go to this great poker tournament they always talked about.

You get $10,000 worth of poker chips for $20. If you lose all those chips, you can buy in one more time for another $20. Well, even though my brother warned me not to play every hand, I did just that. I was chasing straights all night... and ended up being the third person out the poker tournament. :(

So, I lowered my head, tucked in my tail, and got up from the poker table. It was so humiliating. My brother and Sherry had actually sat at my same poker table (we all drew the same cards). So, that was doubly humiliating!

Well... so much for poker. It is just not my game. I did feel better after I called my brother this morning. Apparently, his wife was ousted 5 minutes after I was... and then my brother was ousted 30 minutes later. Okay.... so now I don't feel so bad! :)

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Galloway Bitch Slaps Republicans!

It was a sheer delight to hear this man's testimony. YOU GO GALLOWAY!!!! Thanks for being one to not cower to the Evil Empire of the Bush Administration. Thank God you do not have to fear expressing your true feelings over an ill advised Iraq war. It must be nice to live in a country with no dumbass rednecks with all those "W" stickers on their vehicles. "W" is the International Symbol for Moron. Anyone that drives around with one or more "W" stickers is a moron. Where I live, unfortunately, there are a bunch of dumbass morons! Way to go Galloway! Congrats!

You tell the motherf*ckers!

Reunited with my Children!

I left Boudreaux and Pierre alone at home Saturday afternoon for a muscle bear dinner engagement and then I spent the rest of the weekend in New Orleans with my partner, Michael. I felt like such a bad and neglectful Daddy! I was so happy to rush home yesterday and hug my little rugrats. Daddy was home. His babies were safe. All is well in the world! :)


Daddy holding "licky dog"

A special video/audio of me and Pierre:


Holding my "problem child".

For a special video/audio of me and Boudreaux:

Monday, May 16, 2005

Donkey from Shrek?

I had to say hey to lovable "Donkey" this afternoon. He has the LOUDEST HEE HAW on the farm! I always sneak this character some oats and give him some extra loving.

Okay... Donkey is pinning me against the gate... perhaps this wasn't such a great idea!

Hell yeah I'm a Democrat!

Weekend Boink Fest

I suppose a week without a partner can lead to good things. When we were not asking probing questions about whether one cheated on the other, we spent the whole weekend boinking. Boy did we boink! I couldn't get enough of him. The feel of his skin, the warmth of his body heat, that familiar muscular body, those washboard abs, and those kissable lips. Mmmm.... absence did make the heart grow fonder ... and there is nothing more for me to ponder!

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Okay Not Blue Anymore...

It is so amazing how one feels when he eats right and exercises. I did a monster leg workout this afternoon. I pushed my calf raises up to 280#'s and my squats up to 345#'s. But the most impressive thing was that I didn't just go home. I worked my legs until they were exhausted. THEN... I did an hour spinning class. The sweet part of the spinning class was that aside from the female instructor, it was just me and two HOT guys in the room. Usually, the room is monopolized by women. NOT TONIGHT!!!! Heee heee... EVIL GRIN.

Well, one buff stud lost some points because he was telling his buddy that he did "fag" boxing with his wife earlier. He was referring to kick boxing class. Little did he know he had a faggot right next to him. I could have reached my fist and decked him one. That would have been quite the scene. He would have fell off his spinning bike like a domino and would have knocked his buddy down too because we were all lined up next to each other in the front row. Well, besides that dickhead... I left the gym feeling powerful... feeling great... it always amazes me how great working out and exercise makes me feel.

Feeling Blue

Well, folks... I don't get this way often... but I think I am now officially "BLUE". My partner is having the time of his life on a SCUBA vacation on Turks & Caicos. I am fumbling around trying to find something to do after work... and it just sucks.

Monday, May 09, 2005

The Christian Coalition and the GOP are Nazis

As I was reading a BBC website about the history of World Word II today, I had the most bone chilling feeling. We may be in the midst of the rise of a new Nazi party. This Nazi party is commonly referred to as the "Christian Coalition" in the Republican party. They are actively trying to sack our judiciary system and replace all "liberal" judges with conservatives. . It scares the fuck out of me! These people have every inkling to exterminate Gay people, just as millions of innocent Jews were murdered under Nazi Germany. Think about it!

Iraq is the Poland of World War II. Hitler tried to justify taking over Danzig, Poland because of the so called mistreatment of the German minority by the Polish. German newspaper were flush with stories of the horrible treatment of German minorities in Poland. Propaganda. Hmm... that is Karl Roves speciality. The world was told we were going into Iraq because there were weapons of mass destruction in the hands of a dictator. BULLSHIT!!! Read about how Hitler was a gifted "political evangelist seeking to convert the German people to his 'world view'.

Syria has eerily had to withdraw from Lebanon because of an assassination of the former prime minister of Lebanon Hmm... where do I remember that happening before? Remember the 1914 assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, heir to the throne of Austria-Hungary, that many believed eventually to World War I? The U.S. Army is now saying the insurgents are coming from Dasmascus, the capital city in Syria. Read about how the U.S. Army killed over 100 insurgents near the Syria border. . A Syrian connection is suspected with the violent insurgency waging in Iraq.

Iran is already on the radar because God forbid they would like the same nuclear technology that "at least 40 other countries already possess, and if they chose, to build nuclear weapons at relatively short notice." ( see

Saudia Arabia's leader was recently summoned by Bush to answer why his country isn't pumping out more barrels of oil. The price of oil is being blamed for the depressed U. S. economy. In the future, we'll be hearing about how oil prices have hurt U.S. jobs, and that'll be the justification towards invading other parts of the Middle East just as Hitler blamed the Jews and The Treaty of Versailles for Germany's economic problems.

See the pattern? Karl Rove, President Bush, and the Christian Coalition will take us to the next world war in the name of spreading democracy. Lebanon, Syria, Iraq, Iran, Saudia Arabia and Israel will be the battlefield. Liberal judges will be forceably removed from their benches. Gay people will be rounded up and imprisoned. Already, we can't donate blood or sperm. We can't adopt in many conservative redneck states. Those "W" stickers on every redneck vehicle is the equivalent to the swastika. Gay people are the Jews. Karl Rove is Hitler. President Bush is just... the idiot. Does anyone else see the scary parallels?

Thursday, May 05, 2005

What a nice surprise!

I recieved a call yesterday from a friend named Kevin who had touched down at Louis Armstrong International airport (New Orleans). As soon as I heard his voice on the phone, I knew it was Kevin from Atlanta. He was in town for one night and wanted to meet up later for dinner and/or drinks. Kevin has a great home in Atlanta with his partner Rob. They make a very sexy couple. They have been very hospitable in the past whenever Michael and I go to Atlanta. He is part of the good group of Atlanta buddies I have. You can just about evenly divide up the Atlanta boys I know into two categories: DEPENDABLE or SKETCHY. Thank God for Kevin. He has helped me realize that not all the Atlanta boys are sketchy.

It was such a coincidence, because I was planning on driving to New Orleans last night anyway. My partner usually drives up to see me in the country on Wednesdays, but for some reason we decided that I should drive up this night.

Well, we ended up having a wonderful dinner at a Mid City neighborhood steak joint. They had many private booths with curtains. We thought the joint looked like either a mafia restaurant or a place where cheating spouses go. I guess you had to be there. Whenever a dinner couple would leave their private booth, they would look out in the restaurant and see if anyone was there they knew. It was very comical.

We feasted on potatoes au gratin, broccoli, mushrooms, blue cheese salad and filet mignons. We left that restaurant very FULL. We took Kevin around New Orleans and gave him the grand tour of the city haunts. We brought him all the way down St. Charles Avenue, Tulane University (Too Lame as us LSU Tiger fans call it), Loyola University, Anne's Rice house, the Garden District, Warehouse district, Downtown, and back to the French Quarter. Afterwards, we ended up at the Pub and upstairs at Lafittes.

It was such a nice surprise to spend time with this friend. The best part is that he is a friend who is good for his word. When Kevin tells you he is going to do something, you can count on him. Counting on a person's word is very important to me and it should be to you.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

A moment of humble pie...

After being a no show at the gym Monday and Tuesday, I decided today was the day I was going to go to the gym this week. I get there, and there are seven HOT AS HELL guys (GYM GODS)there. There is this one guy in particular that I lust after... I call him "Daddy". He works out every single day. Every muscle on his body is chisled. Daddy has a goatee, beautiful face, and a gorgeous body. I get weak in the knees whenever we make eye contact and he says "hi". MAJOR WOOF!

Sadly, he and the other Gym Gods are all straight. They talk about their kids playing T-ball, how much their wives spend their money, and any other irreverent subject. I just do my thing and marvel at how committed these guys are day in and day out.

I was looking at how much weight they were doing. Talk about an ego deflation! I felt like such a slacker. I workout my upper body twice a week, and my legs twice a week. The amount of weight these guys do is incredible. I was like, "I am such a wuss!" Here I was thinking I was in great shape and had good willpower... then I see these guys. I HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO TO CATCH UP TO THESE GUYS!!!

After seeing the difference between my build and the Gym Gods...I wanted to quit working out this morning. I wanted to throw my hands up and give up. Cowardly reaction, eh? But I didn't. I suddenly had a moment of clarity... and humble pie. I got pissed off at myself for wanting to throw in the towel. I was going to will my cowardly whiney self to doing the fucking workout! I increased my incline press 20#s , shoulder press 20#'s and the pec deck machine 20 #'s. I cursed myself for almost being a quiter in the face of the Gym Gods. If I am going to keep improving, I have to look up to those guys and use them as a goal I would like to be one day. Fierce competition is a good thing. I mean... what if I had nothing but average joes at my gym? I would end up thinking I was great, and I wouldn't do shit!

So, thank God for the Gym Gods at my gym. You have made me reflect on where I am, my workout ethic, and where I want to be. I have a LONG WAY TO GO. Thanks for reinforcing that. I am now eating my humble pie.

Monday, May 02, 2005

3:15am Call

I was jarred awake at 3:15am by a phone call. There was an emergency at work. I jumped up and was at work for 4am. God I am sleepy! I am not doing anything physical tonight. I am going home, eat, and lay on the couch with my two Doxies. Daddy needs to rest!

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Less is Better

It rained nearly the whole day yesterday in south Louisiana. I looked forward to playing tennis and laying out nude at the Country Club, but I couldn't do any other those things. Bummer! It would have been a perfect day to stay in bed and fuck all day, but my partner had to go to a child's birthday party. So, the only thing I could do was clean the house and find something to cook for dinner.

The cleaning part was excellent. The house smelled very fragrant after I went around with one of those Swiffer mops with fresh spring air cleaning scent. Then I replaced my dried up Glade fan air fresheners with another spring time smelling scent. Everything was dusted. Every piece of clothing was washed, dried, and put up. The house was clean. I even took a garden hose and hosed off the entire carpart. The cleaning job was finished perfectly.

Unfortunately, the next task (cooking dinner) proved quite a challenge to me. I would consider myself a person that does not cook. My mother had suggested that I learn to cook with a crock pot because even a total cooking dumbass could do it! (Those were not her exact words... she may have thought it... but she would never say that to her baby!)

I digress. Back to the cooking. Well, the first two times I used my crock pot, it yielded WONDERFUL results. THANK GOD, because I served 5 hunky guests on those two occasions. The second to last time was a disaster. My friend Luke had told me that you can never put too much garlic. Those fateful words ruined my third crock pot roast. It was basically a sea of black garlic goo with a long dead and drowned roast. It was so bad, that my poor dogs wouldn't even eat it. You know you fucked up when even man's best friend will turn his nose up to something you cooked. In fact, I remember checking on the spot where I threw the disaster over the fence and discovered something shocking. The roast was so bad, even ants wouldn't touch it 24 hours later! Damn! What did I create... a natural pesticide?

I did improve yesterday, but alas still too much seasoning. My approach to throwing things in the crock pot is that "more is better". Well, that is apparently not the case. The meat was great as usual, but the dish was too damn spicy. Even for this coonass!

I really want to learn to cook. It is a shame that a grown 34 year old man cannot prepare anything more fabulous than a hamburger, spaghetti, sandwich or a bowl of cereal. If I were writing a personal ad, it would say "I can clean, but can't cook." A requirement if you and I are going to be partners is that YOU have to know how to cook. Cause I sure as hell can't! I'll just cook in the bedroom and we'll call it even.

My partner is trying to teach me that sometimes LESS IS BETTER. I need to learn that principle because everything I do I seem to operate in the extremes. I am either extremely lazy or extremely full throttle. There is rarely a time I am in between. So, that is my new focus.