Am I a Cold Hearted Bitch?

Last night, I had the most interesting conversation with a crybaby friend. I was pretty much told that I am a cold hearted bitch. They claimed that if I was actually the person I portray on the blog, then I would be the most wonderful person in the world. But I am not that person. No, this "friend" said I am really a cold hearted bitch!

Am I really a cold hearted bitch? I pondered the accusations leveled against me. Let's see... my reaction to most disturbing events that happen in my life is usually met with frustrating calmness. When my dog Boudreaux was kicked in the head by a horse and knocked unconscious this year, I didn't cry. I witnessed the tragic event. I quickly jumped over the fence and raced in the pasture to pick Boudreaux's lifeless body up from the cold grass. His head was flopping around like his neck was broken. I calmly picked him up and carried him to a safe place. I sat down with Boudreaux and held him close to my neck. My chief priority was to comfort my pet if he really was only seconds away from leaving this world. I was hoping that he was only unconscious and was going to be okay. I held him against my warm neck and told Boudreaux how much I loved him. I asked him to please not go. I told him I wasn't ready to lose him. I noticed his heart beating where my hand protectively held him. As we rushed him to the animal emergency hospital, he began to move his feet about five minutes into the trip. It was a good sign that his neck wasn't broken. WHEW! Thankfully, Boudreaux made a full recovery and had no serious damage but a bad headache. I had met something so tragic (the possible death of my first dog) with a calmness that unnerved my crybaby friend who was there for the whole event.

When my house flooded four years ago under 3 1/2 feet of river silt and I lost everything, I didn't cry then either. The immediate task at hand was to quickly replace what I had lost and start cleaning up so I could have a habitable place to live as soon as possible. There were no tears shed as I repainted every room in the house or paid a pretty penny to replace the wallpaper that was coming up. Sure, there were cabinets that were warped beyond use. Sure, the house smelled moldy for many months after even though I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. But I toughed it out like the trooper I am and didn't spend any energy on crying for what had happened to me. What would have crying done? Not a God damned thing. The only thing that was going to make my life back to normal was to WORK to get it back together.

Does this make me a cold hearted bitch? I would say "NO". In fact, I would think I would be a perfect person to have around when there was a major catastrophe. Nuclear War? Massive Surprise Attack by China? Nooooo.... problem. I would be the calm one that would get people focused on the task at hand. If aliens invaded the Earth, for example, I would be the one trying to figure out how to defeat them. Crybaby My friend would be the one running around hysterically losing his shit. Thus the aliens would surely find him and phase his crying ass with a laser gun. He'll be ashes in 2.9 seconds!!! Remember the Mad Tv spoof of "Boy Meets Boy"? The gay guy's friend was Andra. She ran around crying the whole show. Is this what we need in times of stress??? Hell no!

I, for one, justify my calmness in times of distress. I developed a self defense mechanism where I handle horrible situations with extreme calmness. I wouldn't spend any energy crying tears of anguish. My first task at hand was to quickly remedy the situation. That is how I choose to deal with life's difficulties. Does this make me a bad person that I don't bawl if my Merlot is too dry? No. It just says that everyone handles stress differently. I don't dwell on it. I just focus on things I can do to make things better.

And for the record... I DO cry.