Electrifying Happiness

I have never seen the city of New Orleans filled with so much happiness. After the Saints Superbowl victory, it was as if we were all placed under an intense happiness spell free from any prejudice.

It was the human condition at it's finest. Horns were blaring, bands were jamming, and people were happily marching down the streets. Strangers were giving each other high fives, hugs, and kisses. It didn't matter if you were white, black, straight, or gay. We were one city... one people... celebrating our team's finest hour.

Congratulations to the New Orleans Saints... Superbowl Champions!!!

Almost There

As the biggest weekend of Mardi Gras approaches, I am CLOSE to being in decent shape. I will be in good company too. Durban Bud's sweet houseboy (Carlos) will be spending Mardi Gras with me in the BIG EASY. We'll try not to be too slutty, but don't judge us if we are. Laissez le bon temps roulez! And GEAUX SAINTS!!! KICK THE COLTS ASS!!!

Who Dat Dog

Thanks to Drew for making me aware of this video. Who Dat!? Who Dat?! Who Dat say they gonna beat them Saints?!

Mr. Dreamy

A stud named Drew flew into New Orleans to see me this weekend. I'd say he came at a good time because things have been a little weird for me. I've been so focused on working out hard for Mardi Gras, I haven't exactly been myself.

Drew was taken aback by how quiet the Bienville house was. He had heard rumors it was a whorehouse, but found it eerily quiet when he arrived on Friday.

I whispered and pointed, "The elderly couple are in that bedroom..." He whispers back, "Do they ever come out?" I frowned and shook my head "no". In an ominous tone, I warn Drew to NOT go near their bedroom door. He shuddered and obeyed.


Outside, Drew found comfort in feeding the goats:


We did catch the Krewe du Vieux rolling in the French Quarter with it's raucous parade on Saturday night:




I had a great weekend with Drew. When I dropped him off at the airport, I couldn't help but smile. Company is ALWAYS good. :)

Full of Sheep

How are you liking your President now? Hmm...? I would take a gander and say he doesn't look that much different from George W. Bush.

Let's get real. All politicians are full of sheep. You know it. I know it. We all know it. I am not one who hangs onto a soundbite and go "baa... baa.. baa..." to every bullshit line delivered.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR GLBT CIVIL RIGHTS?! YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING!!!

To placate the sheep, a cookie was tossed to us gay folks. I love how it was buried deep into the speech. Obama said... This year, I will work with Congress and our military to finally repeal the law that denies gay Americans the right to serve the country they love because of who they are.

Whoopty Doo. Can't you try a little harder? Can't you put some wood into your committment for GLBT civil rights?

What about saying, I am gonna yank that stupid ass law down and forbid our military from ever discriminating against gays and lesbians again. We are gonna clean up that military culture RIGHT NOW goddammit! If you're excited about that, just wait to see me end those redneck gay adoption bans.

Of course, this is exactly why I will never be President. I don't mince words and I'm not a pussy.

Slutty Swim Trunks

The biggest Mardi Gras weekend is a mere 2 1/2 weeks away. I have been trying my darndest to get into shape. This picture was taken today with my brand new Andrew Christian slutty swim trunks.

I am hoping we get lucky and have warm weather for Mardi Gras. I sure would love to frolick around in this skimpy outfit at the Country Club (a clothing optional GLBT resort).

My goal is to lose five more pounds of belly fat, so I can be at a good weight. Wish me luck!

Quirky Durban Bud

Rumor and speculation continue to swirl about Durban Bud. What in the hell is he doing with his free time? Surfing porn? Cruising on Manhunt? Hanging out with fellow sea lions? When is he gonna post something original on his goddamn blog?

The passive aggressive approach doesn't work. I encourage all blog troops to mass at his border and initiate NAGGING until cares about his faithful readers again.

DO IT!

SUPER BOWL BOUND!!!

The New Orleans Saints are going to the Super Bowl! The 31-28 OT victory nearly gave me a heart attack. We were SO CLOSE to losing until Vikings QB Brett Favre through an ill advised interception with 7 seconds left in regulation. As a longtime Saints fan, I am so happy for the city of New Orleans. This moment has been a longtime coming for us long suffering Saints fans! GEAUX SAINTS!!!!

Brett 2.0

There may be future hiccups, where I revert back to bad past behavior, but this is a better version of me I'd like to become:

1. Non-judgemental: I recognize that I am an oddity... not the norm. I will no longer look at others who are different with so much disdain. If those alcoholic wretches like having squishy arms and flabby asses, then bravo to them for not having any standards or giving a damn.

2. Be a Good Sport: Here again... respect others lack of competitive spirit. Do not blow a gasket when someone says -- "I do not like sportssss." They are imbeciles. Do not KILL when someone says -- "Oh, I don't care if I win or lose... it's just a game." Smile at the fact when aliens invade Earth, these asshats will be the first to go!

3. Practice Humility: Do not get mad the next time someone calls you a "midget". In the face of such insults, just smile and demonstrate how you have overcome your shortcomings. Pick them up two feet in the air and demonstrate that despite your shorter stature, YOUR ass will never be kicked by THEM.

4. Speak Your Mind: When anyone annoys you with political correctness or Faux News Syndrome, do not grin and bear it. Call them on their bullshit. Say, "I'm sorry. I couldn't understand a goddamn thing you just said. Can you think for yourself or have you become another brainwashed American?"

5. Be Yourself: There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. It's the rest of them that are all fucked up in the head! Next time you look in the mirror, tell yourself "I LIKE ME EXACTLY THE WAY I AM".

Judging Judy

Is it okay for others to not be like you? If their standards and values are not the same, should you shake your head and silently disapprove? Or should you do like me... rip them a new asshole?

I've been on quite a roll. Call me a "Judging Judy". I don't give a damn. My mood has already been captured and put on display here. Do I feel guilty about it? Hell no. Everybody else has been thinking the same thing. I am the only one with enough balls to jump their ass.

My next target may be a certain two individuals. It takes every fiber of my being to NOT barge into their room with a whistle, bullhorn, and a cattle prod. The biggest weekend of Mardi Gras is only four weeks away. Yet, sloth rules the day. What are they thinking? Are they going to passively lay on their backs and be lazy bottoms? Shouldn't they be ramping up their exercise and working on their torque/friction/stamina? I left them a nasty note this morning. "To Do: 1. Buy dog food 2. GYM".

Come to think of it, my Ex used to irk the hell out of me too. He typically wasted away hours of his life sleeping until Noon. While he snoozed, I bounced out of bed and played three hours of tennis.

At the gym, everything was set at a very underwhelming 50 #'s. Umm... dude... that's like doing girly weights. I could not fathom why he wasn't doing more to fight off the effects of gravity!

Then there was a total lack of preparation for tennis tournaments. While I was taking lessons and lining up quality opponents to prepare months in advance, the Ex would play one match the week of the tournament. Predictably, he would flop out of the first round. I couldn't help but think, "Well, what did you expect dumbass?!"

Which comes to the point of this blog post. There is a reason I am single. It's not because I am bitter or crazy. It's not because no one wants to deal with me AND my OCD. I am just better than anything else I see out there. And that Marjorie... is the ONLY reason I am single. Ahem.